Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I'm baaaaaaaaack.... sort of...

    Let's start at the beginning because it's a great place to start and I'll tell you the tale of how the universe is an asshole... errr... my beautiful and amazing birth story...

So, you know how I am ALL about the drugs during childbirth and I talk about "crunchies" being crazy people allthedamntime?  Yeah... well... now I am convinced of it...  ;)

     You see, my c-section was scheduled for 9 a.m. on Sunday morning 3 very long weeks ago so... of course... I was awakened at 4:45 a.m. that morning by contractions that were 8 minutes apart.  3 contractions later they were 5 minutes apart.  *oh shit*  Hubbs and I quickly scramble for the car where things really start to get interesting.  In the 20 minutes it takes to get to L&D, my contractions shoot to 2 minutes apart and gird themselves for war!   When we (finally!) get to the hospital (and after giving those daft bats at the front desk the shark-eye when they suggested paperwork) Hubbs and I are rushed to triage where they discover I am 8 cm and fully effaced.  They get my IV in and I'm 10 cm with bulging bag.   No pain killers as of yet, btw.  They bum-rush me to the OR and take Hubbs out to get his bunny suit and the rest is a pain colored blur of one nurse letting me attempt to squeeze off her left arm while another nurse laid across my legs to keep them straight so baby girl can't move futher down as some poor (but very well trained) sot tries to get my spinal set.  By this time I am in full transition with the shakes, sweats, and excruciating pain... AND STILL NO EFFING DRUGS!

     Then ... ahhhhh... sweet, sweet spinal relief and I think I proposed to the anesthesiologist.   Baby girl was born at 7:20 a.m. screaming and... well, screaming some more.  In fact, she cracked up the drs and nurses because she hacked up all the fluid in her lungs and started screaming before they could even get her shoulders free of me.   I imagine it was rather Aliens-esque.  Yeah.... girl knows how to make an entrance.

So you can see how the universe really got a chuckle out of this one.  Smug bastard.

But WOW is she cute...  :)

*  I would like to add that Hubbs was an amazing, superhero-like rock of wonderfulness and support through the entire process despite how crazy this whole experience was.  He also said he saw my innards and they looked just like deer guts....

1 comment:

  1. My son tried to come out before his c-section, too. And the nurses tried to give me paperwork... After they tried to talk me into a last-minute natural delivery! Ha! Get some rest. We'll wait.