Friday, March 14, 2014

Dante's 10th Circle

     There are so many wonderful things about babies... but you are going to have to look elsewhere for some snuggly little post extolling the many virtues of those chubby people-grubs today because ya'll... sleep training.

    To those who worry that letting a baby "cry it out" will cause irrevocable damage to their little psyches I say... if seeing the inside of your Mom's vagina didn't scar you for life do you really think that crying hard for 20 minutes for a couple days in a row is going to do it?  Nah.  I don't think so.

*In fact, I think that's a good question to ask ourselves throughout our lives.  "Is this experience/situation more or less traumatic than knowing that my face was thoroughly mashed into and across my mom's pink parts?"  If no, then suck it up and move on.  If yes, proceed directly to the nearest therapist.  You have earned it*

     So yeah, sleep training. Ug.  It is a very necessary big time evil.  You end up spending the entire night clutching the monitor, listening to your sweetness and light scream out their displeasure into the deep and terrible night while you feel like the worst parent since we emerged from the muck, dragging our slimy little bodies behind us.  Then, as morning breaks and you realize you actually fell asleep because OMGIT'SQUIET, you rush into their room convinced of the worst only to find them sleeping soundly surrounded by the sweet glow of adorable baby.  And you are greatful.  And you are relieved.   And you are hopeful.  At least until night #2...

I shall gird mah loins and ask for prayers...

Oh, and did I mention we are potty training Sprinkles at the same time?  Because it isn't a party until I am delusional from lack of sleep AND scrubbing pee out of the carpet...

Party on Garth.

8 comments:

  1. You definitely have your work cut out for you. I'm potty training and I know there's no way I could handle sleep training as well. Kudos to you :)

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    1. Thanks. I dunno if the potty training is going to stick but the baby will sleep!

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  2. The best two pieces of advice my mother EVER gave me is give the kids a bedtime and sometimes it's okay to let a baby cry...you'll know when it's just I miss you mama or I am not comfortable or hurting... Babies don't always comply with your hopes for a full night sleep for quite awhile as you well know......my favorite quote on bedtime is from Jerry Seinfeld about getting his kids to bed....."The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I've gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!" Good luck!

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    1. Heh... well... the baby is exhausted so nap time should go well but the toddler just peed all over her chair and thought it was great so the potty training may not work... Yet.

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  3. I was just talking to my brother-in-law about this yesterday! They have an 8-month-old who is not sleep training very well; I was very lucky that my 2 boys were able to do it in 1-2 nights. I've got some good sleepers, although you probably want to smack me for saying that. Good luck!!

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    1. Thanks! And no smacking but I am giving you the shark eye as we speak!

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  4. Is this a bad time to tell you my daughter started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks? Does it help if I tell you her older brother DIDN'T until he was 9 months old AND I was working full time and lugging a breast pump around and DEARGODINEEDSLEEEEEP?

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  5. LOL at the retort to unneeded advice!! You do what you think works best for you!! Hopefully, your sweetness and light will be spreading it only during the day and sleeping in fairy dust during the night! :)

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