Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Don't say I didn't warn you!

     Oh Spring!  Unfurl your tender buds, wake your sleepy bees, and deposit your 24 Vomit-paloozas... wait... what?  That last one.  Yeah.   Did you know that kids who talk a lot have really well developed core muscles and so can projectile yerk like it's an Olymic Sport and they ain't settlin' for no Silver?  At least poor Sass figured out the toilet/barf relationship.   Sprinkels thought it was wall paint.  Or something to snuggle.  Two comforters, three pillows, and several sheets later she finally stopped erupting and, as I bolted up the stairs for the 40 millionth time at around 1:30 a.m. to the not-so-sweet-sounds of chunks hitting carpet, I realized I was learning some things... big things.  Things I would like to share with ya'll...

1.  A puking toddler is  The.  Saddest.  Thing.  Ever.  EVER!  All you want to do is clasp them to your bosom, stroke their hair, and tell them it will be alright... but you can't because they are covered in ralph-nasty.

2.  Apparently, I have a line.   See reason 1.

3.  Puke in your bed once, shame on the virus.  Puke in your bed twice, shame on Mommy for not getting out the blow up matress sooner.  Puke in your bed thrice,  well... damnit.

5.  4 was too gross.  Sorry.

6.  You wrestle gators naked and blindfolded?  Amature!  Try two kids playing gut Vesuvius after eating hot dogs for lunch.  Hot.  Dogs.  Yeah...

7.  Never assume the worst is over.

8.  Never give a sick child anything you plan on eating again in the next decade.  Or do, if you need an effective diet plan.

9.  Doomsday Preppers may not be as nutty as I thought.   I really should stockpile more towels and sheets.  And carpet cleaner.  And pjs.  And sleep.

10.  Describing in minute and gory detail all the trials and tribulations endured that troubled night to my childless buddies has been quite entertaining.  For me anyway...  You gotta get yer jollies somehow.

But the important thing is we all survived.  Well, almost all of us.  Poor Piggy.


11 comments:

  1. Hot dogs?? You just brought back a most unfortunate memory....Hope things settle down soon at your house.

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    1. They are fine today, thanks. I may never be able to eat got dogs again, though.

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  2. Replies
    1. Piggy always gets a raw deal, doesn't he? ;)

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  3. :( Sorry your babies are ill. Sending love.
    Thanks for hooking up to the hump day hook up even though you're knee deep in vomit laundry

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    Replies
    1. Thanks and my pleasure! I look forward to next week!

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  4. Totally agree with #1. I remember sitting in a bathtub filled with towels with my daughter during her first stomach flu. Horrible. I've never had two at once. I'm sorry for you, the kids, and piggy. Feel better! (Here from the hook up. Cheers!)

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  5. Slightly gross....no, really gross.
    My fiance's going to be upset that you've given me more amo in the let's-not-have-kids-for-a-really-long-time battle.

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    Replies
    1. You can borrow them for the weekend if you really want to drive the point home...

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  6. I once had to rinse the ralph off my son's sheets into the kitchen sink and TURN ON THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. I didn't eat vegetable soup again for a long time.

    My rule of thumb when my kids are sick is not to feed them anything I don't want to clean up later. Ginger ale and crackers it is!

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