Friday, May 9, 2014

Mommy Resume

Mom (no last name or shame)


Sleep Deprived State University

Employment History

Manager of Operations and other Chaos                  2009-present

     -Covert Kleenex Storage
     -Advanced snack packing
     -Jesus-like ability to heal any and all minor boo-boos by touch
     -Butt and/or nose wiping without gagging
     -Certified 5 Gold Nugget chef
     -Proffessional Bullsh*t Matador
     -Proficient in The Fog, MS BadWord, MS Power Pointing, MS Access to the cookies I hid on the top shelf, MS Excel in hiding in the bathroom
     -Aquired oubliette-like purse/pockets


Functioning on far less than the recommended amount of sleep,  acidic spit, finding any and all Legos with bare feet, snuggling

References upon request.... but not in writing because they can't write yet... so not really...