Friday, January 11, 2013

Iridescent Indecency

Finish the Sentence Friday

     This post is written in response to the "Follow The Sentence Friday Blog Hop (FTSF #2) hosted by Janine @ Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic and Kate @ Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine with My Morning Quiet Time and co-hosted by Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real and Jen @ JenJen’s Soapbox of Parodies.  Check these ladies out for a good time.... (No... not like that....) and peruse those in the hop who have bared their souls for your amusement.  Good times, good times....

     I took a Public Speaking course in college.  (Kind of has that "I had a farm in Africa..." feel doesn't it?  No?  Well....)  Why did I do this, you ask?  Because I had to but I also had to take Badminton so none of it really made any sense anyway.  (Shuttle Cock, anyone?)  

Anyhoo... let's cut to the “One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…” part...

     Long story short, I had to give a 5 minute speech on something that I can't for the life of me remember now.  I had agonized over this particular project for weeks so the morning of, as you can imagine,  I was petrified.  I would have to stand up in-front of a classroom filled to the brim with my peers and sound intelligent, well put together, and even throw in a joke or two...   SO I armored myself and prepared for battle in the best way a 22 year old girl knows how.  I dressed fancy.  Generously supporting undergarments, my favorite sparkly shirt to further enhance my... em... more noticeable attributes.  Maybe they would be so entranced by my genetic abnormalities (I come from a family of modestly chested women.  My chi-chi's were a freak of nature... and a back problem.) that my class mates would completely ignore the fact that I sucked.   I chose a particularly sexy pair of tiny see-through, iridescent thongs to wear to match under my best butt-shaping pants.  (Yeah... I know... But this was WAY before the body-breakers made their appearance) I added some substantial heels, my favorite lipstick, and I headed to class.  How could I fail?  I was 5 feet in 6 inch stilettos of pure fury and dead sexy!  
Guess what guys... it wasn't the shoes that brought me low!  This time, anyway....
     I got to class, waited my turn, and gave my presentation.  As walked back to take my seat, I was beaming.  "Well, THAT wasn't so bad!  I was great!  They laughed at my jokes and I really kept everyone's attention.  I am getting an "A" for this!"... and then I took my seat and looked down to see....
...my zipper....
.... undone.....
And my little, iridescent, see-through thongs winking up at me conspiratorially....
Oh.... NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
No wonder I kept their attention.
So, "One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…" give a 5 minute presentation with my zipper down in see-through underwear to a room full of 20-somethings.
 End.

13 comments:

  1. Horrifying! It's a wonder you didn't start bawling right there at your desk. It's a good thing many of your classmates were probably still drunk or hungover from the night before and were unable to focus on your shimmery undergarments...or lackthereof ;) Also, you sounded dead-sexy to me!

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    1. Strangely enough the ... um... trauma of the incident kinda killed my public speaking fear. I was all like "Well, I have now hit rock bottom. I can only keep my zipper up from here"...

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  2. You had me at thong and chi-chis lol. I could have been a lot worse though, keep telling yourself that.

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    1. You'er right... I could have been wearing see-through underwear after NOT manicuring my lawn... Like a bear in a fishing net... *shudder*

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  3. Loved your story and could relate to this. I, too, had to give a speech back in college and it wasn't my clothing that got me. I had been not feeling well that day and hadn't eaten, because I was truly nauseous the whole day before the speech. In true fashion, I got up to give my speech and got about 30 seconds through, when I fainted dead away. When I came to, I found out one of my guy classmates had caught me before I completely hit the deck or floor, lol!! Thankfully my teacher took pity on me and actually looked through all my notes and such for the speech and gave me a "B" and never had to do the speech again. On a side, I had been dating someone in the class and you guessed it he wasn't the one to catch me or even try to catch me. Needless to say, I dumped him shortly after. Thank you seriously for linking up and loved your addition. Hope to see you back next week!!

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    1. Yeek! No no fainting... you poor thing! A "B" ain't bad, either. :)

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  4. OMG! TOTALLY EMBARRASSING!!! I hate to give any kind of speech - I would have cried. Totally. So glad you linked up!!!

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  5. Well, the bright side of it was that no one probably noticed any speecha mistakes you made...and you probably impressed people, for sure ;)!! :D

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    1. Heh... oh yeah... I good with impressions like that. Luckily I didn't have any other classes with anyone in that room....

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  6. And it wasn't even Thong Thursday! Aww, I bet that was awful! I suppose college is the time to get all that embarrassing stuff over with, huh? I was going to say at least you weren't going commando but am wrestling with what was worse here. ;-) Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Did you get the "A?" :) You sound like my long, lost sister in embarrassment! :)

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