Monday, January 14, 2013

Is Spoon-Guy your Daddy?

     Back in the day (in the early 00's) Hubbs and I had a life.  I know... crazy, right?  Love was new, pant sizes were considerably smaller (on me anyway), and bed times were non-existent.  It was a beautiful time filled with college classes, friends, drinking, and ... clubbin'.  Not always in that order... *ahem*

     While out one night at one of the many *stop reading now if you are my in-laws* clubs we frequented with our group, we met the "Spoon Guy".  And by met, I mean watched in horrified awe and amazement.  Let me explain. The night was winding down.  Beer money was spent.  Glitter had been rubbed off.  Feet were aching.  It was time to go home and as the dance floor began to thin out we noticed a man was walking around trying to snag the attention of anything without a dangler.  This was not unusual behavior at this time of night given the amount of booze that had crossed the bar... it was his methods that caught our attention.  You see... he had this white, plastic spoon and he would walk up to a girl, dip it toward her crotch, bring it back to his mouth, and say "mmmmm....".  *shocked silence*

W.  T.  eff....?

     Why did I tell you this?  Why have I permanently burned this noxious image into your brain, you ask?  Partly because pain is better shared but also because eventually his... ummm... system... ploy.... pick-up thing worked.  He left with a girl firmly wrapped around his neck and attached, leech-style, to his face.  This means that possibly somewhere out there, in the general population, is Spoon Guy progeny.  Maybe sitting next to Sprinkles or Sass as we speak.... let's hope, for the poor little booger's sake, that it has skipped a generation....

 So I ask you now... Is Spoon-Guy your Daddy?


  1. One can only have faith in the Universe that it won't allow for his kind to reproduce ;) Honestly...if there is one, even one woman out there who fell for this, or liked his approach, she obviously deserves him! Also, don't pretend that glitter ever actually rubs off. I've been told that it's the Herpes of cosmetics and craft supplies.

    1. True on the glitter. It was really good at transferring to Hubbs (then boyfriend) and then never coming off. I'm sure he loved it.

  2. Glitter does not rub off. It merely transfers itself to other surfaces and somehow multiplies itself while doing so.

    Yeah, I've got to hope spoon guy hasn't been successful at procreation.

  3. I found you on Classy Motha's site, and as soon as I came to your blog, I knew I'd found another kindred spirit (read: Skanksta). Love love love this. Looking forward to following. Head over to for more snarky laughs. :)

  4. Oh, geez! I thought you were going to tell a tale of meeting Spoon Man, the (Seattle?) guy who plays spoons and so impressed Chris Cornell (or was it Soundgarden as a whole) that a song was written in his honor.

    Let's hope this spoon guy had no children. Maybe he didn't get as lucky as you might think. Blech!

    (PS: Thanks for visiting today!) :-D

  5. Oiy vay.....Now I need bleach for my brain.....uggg

  6. That's just nasty..but, sadly, not shocking