Wednesday, January 30, 2013

That low-down dirty creep, the Flu...

     And here I thought we'd missed it.  I'd seen all the blog posts about the illness and contagion oozing its way across the states so I sacrificed a goat , burned my incense (all metaphorically, of course), and I thought we had missed it.  You know what they say about counting chickens... boo.

     Queue a 103.5 fever, snot like I have never seen (and hope to never see again), croupy cough, aaaand barf.  My poor Sprinks went down for the count and Mommy got a flu-cation.  It's not like a vacation AT ALL but saying "flu-cation" makes me feel better about it.  I hate when my babies are sick...

I learned many things while on my 2 day journey of Uncensored and Unstoppable Baby Orifice Self-Expression.  Things like:

1.  Boogers are like Tribbles.  Endlessly multiplying and in everything.  I was totally a red shirt...
2.  Dinosaur chicken nuggets are INFINITELY more appetizing than the regular ones.  The regular ones will get you screamed at.
3.  Children's Ibuprofen should come with a hip-flask of "medication" for Mommy.  I'm just saying, oh holy makers of Advil and Children's Motrin...
4.  All toys are sucky and boring when you are sick, but the breakables in the one cabinet in the kitchen that you have ignored for 6 months are the bees knees.
5.  I can no longer watch whatever I want in front of Sprinks.  She totally got Twilight and would point at the screen and say "Doggie" while clapping and laughing every time she saw a werewolf.
6.  My baby is on Team Jacob.
7.  3 out of the 5 "Yo Gabba Gabba" creatures look like sex toys.
8.  I hate "Franklin and Friends" almost as much as I hate Caillou.
9.  Don't leave vomit laundry unattended with dogs around.  It's like drunk sex with an ex... no one will be able to make eye contact later. *shudder*  What was I THINKING?
10. Flu poop should be classified as "cruel and unusually stink punishment".  Get on that Pentagon.  It had our Diaper Genie begging for mercy in no less than 26 seconds.

But now we have emerged, blinking and stinking, on the other side with the bright rays of an un-predigested sun shining down upon our grateful faces.  Until Sass gets it, of course... boo two.


  1. Good call on the Flu poop. Shuddering over here for sure. Also, your baby has terrible taste in Twilight characters...

    1. You are gonna hate me but I have to say, if I had to choose, it wouldn't be the Cullen boy.... ;)

  2. Laughed my ass off, 'cept it's still there, dammit. And while I hate to laugh at your misfortune and snot filled days, I LOVED your list. And yes, the yo gabba gabba 'people' definitely look like sex toys. WHO thought that was a good idea. And Franklin is a freak ~ where is Bugs Bunny and the Flintstones when you need them. Great post, looking forward to stalking your others :)

  3. Franklin was never one of my favorites. Arthur was where it was at when mine were young. Unless I got the remote - then it was X-men all the way.

    I'm happy for you that it's over and hope Sass doesn't get it.

    1. I am all about some Avengers and Avatar myself. What is it about the Superhero cartoons? Oh, and the new TMNT is AWESOME!

  4. This is driving me crazy. I've heard the comments on Muno before... I'm guessing Foofa is number two... Who's the third? Are you counting Gooble?

    1. The pink one looks like a butt plug, or something.... Which one is Gooble? Is that the one that would require batteries?

    2. Muno is the red bumpy one, Gooble is a smooth white version of him.

  5. awww..poor thing, you!! Glad you're all okay now!
    Thanks so much for helping me with the survey!

  6. Since my little one is down with the crud for the past few days I found this HYSTERICAL! Thanks for sharing I really enjoyed the laughter! It's always good to know your not the only one having those thoughts!

    Im a new follower from the FFBH - can't wait to learn more about it!