Monday, April 29, 2013

Open letter to my Grey Matter

Dear Cerebellum and the Sparky little Inhabitants therein,

I miss you.  Your loss has left me a foggy hot mess.  I have enough left in me to understand that  I was at one point a competent and functioning human being, but not enough to help me reclaim my former cerebral glory. You are cruel to leave me so.

I mean... I know we have had our differences and all, but can you find it in you neurons to forgive me?  It was only 5 or 6 years of shots of hard liquor followed by Irish Car Bombs!  I didn't mean it....  Well, that's a lie.  I had a great time but I realize now how hard it must have been on you.  ...And those one or two times on the Super Spinny Redneck Carnival Ride Of Death really weren't my fault!  My husband made me do it. ...And I never meant to land face first in the dirt all those times I got thrown off the horses!  You can blame that on my abnormally large, dense, and heavy skull coupled with a faulty sense of direction.  See!  It wasn't really me!

I am also so very sorry I made you watch Twilight.  I kept going even though I could hear your pitiful screams as your bright little electric lights were snuffed out one by horrified one...  I regret that now and wish to make amends.

Come back to me!  I need you for phone numbers, my children's names, pediatrician and OB appointments... I need you for company.  I am so tired of just laying on the couch and staring at the remote knowing I am supposed to remember something but never figuring out what important TV show I missed...
Do you realize that I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT GAME OF THRONES LAST NIGHT?  My one saving grace is Hubbs DVR'ed it... See what I have been reduced to?  See what madness you have driven me to? I am a pathetic shell... a badly xeroxed butt of my former self.

Everyone on the Internet says you will come back to me eventually (like the second trimester) but I cannot wait!  How can you make me suffer so?  After all that we have been through?  I am nothing without you...

Please...

I have lost that conscious feeling...



11 comments:

  1. OMG!! I wish you could see how hard I am actually laughing! I have been there done that and am there most days!

    Thank you for the laugh!

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  2. I actually sat down and read Twilight to see what it was all about. After that I could no longer remember where I had put my keys. Or the hairbrush. Or my pills.

    Twilight man, it's a hell of a drug.

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  3. I feel you! I write every single thing down because if I don't, I'll forget. Currently-- and this is no joke--I'm looking at the table, I and I have no fewer than 4 lists made that will help me function the next few days. I say 4 only because I put the 5th one in the book that I'm reading so that I can make sure that I'll see it tonight and remember it before the morning. I'm hoping it'll get better when the kids are older and there are fewer things to remember...??

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    Replies
    1. I make lists.... and then I forget I make lists... and then I forget that I forgot...

      An ugly, vicious cyle...

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  4. Another Liebster for your collection!
    http://www.momintwocultures.com/2013/04/to-love-and-to-leibster.html

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  5. You are so funny! I am dying...and empathizing. Darn brain cells. Always selfishly hiding when I need them.

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  6. New follower from the TGIF blog hop!

    www.lukerfamilytales.com

    ReplyDelete