4 going on 14

     Sass Monkey is... well... is going through A PHASE.  *cue ominous music*  I can safely say I hate this phase.  Passionately.  I don't hate my Sass, of course, but d*mn boy... cut that sh*t out.  The problem is, despite the lack of any body hair growth or voice cracking, my big, blue-eyed boy thinks he is an Axe-Body-Spray-wearing, zit-popping, honest-to-gawd teenager.  This phase comes complete with eye rolling, ignoring my very existence, and "Duh, Mom.".  Here is an example of a typical conversation:

Me:  "Don't use the furniture as a jungle gym, Monkey Boy."
Sass:  *continues to swing/jump/chew on the arm of the couch as if I haven't spoken*
Me:  "Sass, quit it.  Get off the couch."
Sass:  *more ignoring*
Me:  "I said get off the couch!" *snatching ensues*

or

Sass:  "You forgot my milk, Mom."
Me:  "I didn't forget it.  I'm getting it right now."
Sass:  "I'm thirsty.  I want some milk, Mom!"
Me:  "I am pouring it right now.  Use your eyes, please."
Sass:  "Well, Duh." *eye roll*
Me: *more snatching ensues*

He also liberally applies "Seriously?" and "I told you!" to his everyday beratement conversation..  Grrrrr....  This little Napoleon is just itchin' for his Waterloo.

     I will admit to a shorter fuse due to hormones and general pregnancy exhaustion, but come ON, little man!  You just had to skip ages 5-13 and go straight to teenager with a wish for certain irreparable bodily harm?  But why?  Even Daddy has had enough... and he has WAY more patience than I do.  Dude... just.... Please?

Sass Monkey the Dictator Barbarian