If one more unfortunate soul makes one more pregnancy comment I will temporarily suspend my stance concerning non-violence towards the mentally feeble and leave nothing of their passing but a rusty stain in the carpeting. I have been holding off on snarky, bad tempered come-backs because it is polite... of me. They aren't actively TRYING to be assholes, right?... they just can't help it. It must be ingrained in their DNA and, not unlike sharks, they just have to bite the surfboard. Or poke the bear...
But I can still write them, you know. And let's just be truthful with ourselves here... I WILL start saying these things in a month or so. I will have to divert all energy from non-essential programming, like my verbal filter, to programs that help me concentrate on not peeing when I sneeze.
Responses to Observations On My Very Obvious Pregnancy And Its Aftermath:
"You sure there's just one in there?" (Mind you, I am only 17 weeks and already very pregnant looking. This is SOOOOOO "poking the bear".)
- Great... you think I'm fat?
- One what?
- You know we aren't cats, right?
- Go make yourself useful and get me a doughnut.
- No shit.
- No shit.
- No shit, Sherlock.
"You know how that happens, right?" (I hate this one so very, very much.)
- Actually I have no idea. Be a dear and draw me a diagram.
- I knew I shouldn't have swallowed.
- How "what" happens?
- Only when the kids are asleep. *evil grin and awkward pause*
And to you crazy blue hairs who think it's okay to touch my belly... you do realize I am just pregnant, not paralyzed, right? My arms and hands still work just fine and I will hurt you. I am going to start hissing at the Grandma Grabbies while walking away quickly.