Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Are you a PWM?

     I am a PWM (that's a Proud Working Mother for all of you out there).  Period.  End of sentence.  It may come as shock for some but there is no "..but if I could afford it, I'd stay home.".  That's it.  A PWM.  Let that sink in.... And you know what else?  Even if I could afford it I wouldn't stay home with my kids.  There!  I said it!  No guilt, no shame, just the truth.

     "Day care employees don't care!" a few Moms will cry.  "They will abuse your children!  They will  neglect your children!  They will be irreparably damaged!"...  Bullsh*t, I cry back.  Sure... there will always be bad people in this world.  Some of them will be day care employees, some will be pediatricians, and some will even be SAHMs.

     "If we birth them, we should raise them."  Ummm... and I'm not?  I may not be at home, teaching my kids to make caterpillars out of old tube socks and some pipe cleaners. but I am still helping them learn!  (Cool craft, btw.)  I am just doing it differently than someone who is a SAHM.

     But.... that's the REAL problem isn't it?  That we all have different ideas of what is beneficial for our children?  And as women, and our own BEST worst enemies, we judge, we form biased opinions, and we criticize....  Do you really think that other fathers leave nasty comments on posts, or whisper behind another Dad's back at a playdate about whether or not so-and-so uses Dr. Brown's or Wal-mart bottles or whether they get their fruit from the farmers market or Kroger?  For the most part, they don't.  WE do that to OUR OWN.  We have no one to blame but ourselves.

We really need to quit that sh*t, ya'll.

     This is why I believe I see so much passive aggressive nonsense and self-guilt about SAHM vs. Working Moms out there in the blogoshere.  You can quote whatever obscure study you want to (there are sh*t tons for both sides) about what is better for who, but what it all really boils down to, ladies.... is our penchant for trying to emotionally destroy one another.  Our incessant need to build ourselves up by breaking others down because we are unsure and afraid of our own choices.

WE are our biggest OBSTACLE.

     I don't SAH, cloth diaper, worry about organic, or EBF but I also don't think those who do are bad Mothers.  I think we are all trying to figure out a puzzle with no defined boundaries or space... our kids and their futures. We are all trying to do our best and our best definitely shouldn't include negativity.  To so fervently believe that yours is the only way that you are blinded to all other ideas is dangerous, scary, and wrong.  Nobody ever knows it all and has it all right.  Nobody.  Ever. Take some pressure off yourselves and realize we will never be perfect.  And besides... perfection is boring!

     SO again I say... I am a PWM.  The Hubbs and I are doing what WE FEEL is right for OUR CHILDREN by providing them with lots of social interaction, a structured curriculum, and space away from Mommy and Daddy to figure out who they are.  WE are also showing them that both Mommy and Daddy are thinking, contributing members of society who are passionate about learning and doing as well as Mommy and Daddy, their doting parents.  One of the great things about raising children is that there are TONS of ways to teach them all the things you as a parent feel are important.  Each child will be raised differently to become an individual we can all learn from and this will make the world an even more interesting place for all of us.

     So, next time, instead of snickering behind your hand at another Moms way of doing things, think about what they are teaching their child and how that could enrich your life and the life of your child.

And PWMs... no more apologies.  Just own it and rock it...


19 comments:

  1. I wouldn't do something I;m not proud of! I work, I provide, I parent!

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  2. You know what they say....if mama ain't happy...nobody is happy. Just ignore the background noise from the women who turn being a mother into a highly competitive sport.

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    1. True dat. I just wish Mom's didn't feel so guilty about it...

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    2. I think that guilt thing is just the craziness of motherhood..just make sure someone else isn't putting that guilt in your head....mine are grown...I think fairly well adjusted {you know 'em...you can judge but please;not harshly :) } and I still have guilt sometimes over things I wish I had done differently with each one.

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  3. Preach On and be proud of admitting who you are! I love the, "Why Have kids if someone else is going to raise them?" Unless you plan on home schooling until 18, your argument becomes moot on their first day of school.

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  4. Completely agree. There are Moms that do best staying at home and there are moms that do best working. Live and let live and don't judge. We get enough of that everywhere else. :)

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    1. I know right? Maybe we ALL have some good ideas, you know?

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  5. I am a SAHM and I have mad respect for working moms. There are definitely days when I would prefer to dress nice and use my brain and talk with adults. Appreciate the call for no judgment, from either direction. And yeah, men definitely don't have these issues. Good call for us to get a grip and feel confident about our parenting decisions for OUR OWN families, which will vary from other families' decisions and that's okay.

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    1. And I have mad respect for SAHMs... I did it for a few months and it's a wonder we all made it out intact....

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  6. Great post! I think every family should do what suits them... do what keeps their family happy & sane. I also dislike the tension and chatter amongst women over who's way is right or wrong. The world is made of different people, with different ideas, that's what keeps this place going! :) Danica
    http://danicabridgesmartin.blogspot.nl/2013/01/sahm-i-am.html

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    1. Different people are fascinating and wonderful! I totally agree!

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  7. OH, YES! I love this post! I agree wholeheartedly with owning your PWM status with pride, and with the call to embrace all of our Mommy differences. As a PWM (who often feels more guilt than pride), I work for the same reasons you listed. I stayed at home with my two kids for the first few years and it was something we all survived, but not happily.I enjoy my career, but there is a constant struggle between work and family obligations. I'm doing the best I can and I will strive for more P in my PWM title. Thank you for your words!

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  8. Love: we are "our own Best Worst enemy." So true. Everybody needs to chill a little bit. We are all trying to do what's best for our kids.

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