I am a PWM (that's a Proud Working Mother for all of you out there). Period. End of sentence. It may come as shock for some but there is no "..but if I could afford it, I'd stay home.". That's it. A PWM. Let that sink in.... And you know what else? Even if I could afford it I wouldn't stay home with my kids. There! I said it! No guilt, no shame, just the truth.
"Day care employees don't care!" a few Moms will cry. "They will abuse your children! They will neglect your children! They will be irreparably damaged!"... Bullsh*t, I cry back. Sure... there will always be bad people in this world. Some of them will be day care employees, some will be pediatricians, and some will even be SAHMs.
"If we birth them, we should raise them." Ummm... and I'm not? I may not be at home, teaching my kids to make caterpillars out of old tube socks and some pipe cleaners. but I am still helping them learn! (Cool craft, btw.) I am just doing it differently than someone who is a SAHM.
But.... that's the REAL problem isn't it? That we all have different ideas of what is beneficial for our children? And as women, and our own BEST worst enemies, we judge, we form biased opinions, and we criticize.... Do you really think that other fathers leave nasty comments on posts, or whisper behind another Dad's back at a playdate about whether or not so-and-so uses Dr. Brown's or Wal-mart bottles or whether they get their fruit from the farmers market or Kroger? For the most part, they don't. WE do that to OUR OWN. We have no one to blame but ourselves.
We really need to quit that sh*t, ya'll.
This is why I believe I see so much passive aggressive nonsense and self-guilt about SAHM vs. Working Moms out there in the blogoshere. You can quote whatever obscure study you want to (there are sh*t tons for both sides) about what is better for who, but what it all really boils down to, ladies.... is our penchant for trying to emotionally destroy one another. Our incessant need to build ourselves up by breaking others down because we are unsure and afraid of our own choices.
WE are our biggest OBSTACLE.
I don't SAH, cloth diaper, worry about organic, or EBF but I also don't think those who do are bad Mothers. I think we are all trying to figure out a puzzle with no defined boundaries or space... our kids and their futures. We are all trying to do our best and our best definitely shouldn't include negativity. To so fervently believe that yours is the only way that you are blinded to all other ideas is dangerous, scary, and wrong. Nobody ever knows it all and has it all right. Nobody. Ever. Take some pressure off yourselves and realize we will never be perfect. And besides... perfection is boring!
SO again I say... I am a PWM. The Hubbs and I are doing what WE FEEL is right for OUR CHILDREN by providing them with lots of social interaction, a structured curriculum, and space away from Mommy and Daddy to figure out who they are. WE are also showing them that both Mommy and Daddy are thinking, contributing members of society who are passionate about learning and doing as well as Mommy and Daddy, their doting parents. One of the great things about raising children is that there are TONS of ways to teach them all the things you as a parent feel are important. Each child will be raised differently to become an individual we can all learn from and this will make the world an even more interesting place for all of us.
So, next time, instead of snickering behind your hand at another Moms way of doing things, think about what they are teaching their child and how that could enrich your life and the life of your child.
And PWMs... no more apologies. Just own it and rock it...