Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Love now, civilize later.

My husband calls it a "trigger" and I call it a "mildly opinionated observation".  We are both right.... for once.

     My children's teachers fall into two categories for me; those who get my children's ferocity and those who do not.  This is not to say that to be on one side or the other is bad, but I will watch you a bit more closely if you fall in the latter category.

     My children love un-abashedly, whole-heatedly, and violently.  As I have mentioned before, a hug from Sass can leave deep tissue bruises and Sprinkles is not far behind.  All she lacks is the coordination to cling like a dug in cockle burr.  This behavior is not something we have taught them.... it is their natural expression of affection.   Love for them is full contact and strong.  If either had, at any point, showed any sort of reticence concerning a full body mugging, Hubbs and I would have discouraged it.  We only want them to feel safe in all their expressions, but neither did... so here we are. Explaining yet again to ANOTHER teacher that our children like a full body experience and that these actions do not come out of any place born of negative emotions.

     Now, if Sprinks takes a whack at someone or Sass starts trying to pin his friends in the mulch then, yes.... you get 'em and you get 'em good...  (Especially if Sprinks keeps sitting on her classmates and squashing them flat out of some primal display of dominance... she's no joke in the chub department.), but leave them alone on the love thing.  Learning the boundaries of proper social behavior is important, and love should not be painful to other people, but I will not curb my children's natural linebacker-of-love approach to enthusiastic affection.  I want their beginning forays into self expression to be true and whole and (mostly) limitless.  I want no boundaries in their subconscious.... that is what your consciously learned manners are for.

Love now, civilize later.

     I get that some of the other parents won't like this and I'm okay with it.  I don't want my child to hurt yours on purpose, far from it, but treating my child's early overtures at sweet social interaction like they are trying to stab your snookums is a bit over the top.  She came in for a big hug and fell over... don't get yer panty's in a wad.  Judge me if you'd like because, with an over-reaction like that, I am sure as hell wondering how many therapists your sheltered progeny will get to know in their life time... and how many marriages...  *Digression Warning!*  Besides... they are little kids.  They hurt themselves allthedamntime, anyway.  It's because they are learning and doing.  If you aren't letting your child rough-n-tumble a bit then you are basically telling them to "Do Not Do" and then hells yeah, I am going to judge you like mad.  Boundaries are great... but let them bounce off those walls a little, hmmmmm? *FIN*

     As they get older, we will work on "civilizing" these interactions a bit.  It would be inappropriate for a 10 year old boy to dive bomb his teacher for a squish each morning.  And we don't want Sprinks to keep this up into her 20s... I mean, this girl is going to be substantially taller than me.  It could be seriously hazardous to my health!  That being said,  I don't want them to ever have to think about it before they love.  I want it to be a natural and a profoundly good thing.  So many people these days have a terrible time with love and loving and we are so easily taught to hold it back or to fear it.  It is a huge emotion; one that needs to grow with us and be as comfortable as a beloved blankie, not one we need to learn to squeeze into in our 20s, like an new pair of Wranglers.

So watch out classmates of my supa-wigglers... my children are coming in for a hug.  Brace yourself.  :)


*BOOM*  Love!

12 comments:

  1. My kids are love bugs as well. Except they're more of the remora type of love instead of the mixed martial arts kind. Most people think this is sweet. Some...not so much. Oh well. Lighten up! They're hugging not biting you...yet...

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    1. A big-time earnest luv-mugging is a beautiful thing! I loves me a clinger!

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  2. I'm with your kids - love hard, love big. Sure they'll have to adjust as they grow, but I still love a kidney squishing hug from my bigger-than-me teenager!

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    1. I can only hope my kids still want to hug me as teenagers! Besides... you have two kidneys, right? :)

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  3. Since she was little, we've said our 2 year old "loves hard." She loves to hug, but she will body tackle you if necessary. And she loves to give kisses, even to strangers. I know we'll have to curb this eventually, but how do you deny something that sweet and pure? Good for you!

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    1. I just worry about the folks who freak out about it! I mean, really....

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  4. *BOOM* Love! There's nothing better than a love-tackle!

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  5. I never really thought much about how rough my kids were in expressing their love - we used to rough house all the time too. I figured with boys hugs would be embarrassing long before rough housing.

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    1. I never really gave it a second thought either until it kept getting brought up by one of the crunchier teachers. She liked to sit in circle time and teach positive talk... to toddlers. That one didn't last long but it still gets "politely mentioned" by a couple others and it really chaps my ass....

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  6. My 4yo's "girlfriend" is a rough hugger, too. She knocks him over at least half the time. I don't care. He's a kid; he falls down 50 times a day, anyway. And hugs are fun!

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