Friday, March 8, 2013

Survivalist Parenting

     Parenting style, huh?  Ooooo... this is a good Theme Thursday, Jenn from Something Clever 2.0.  (Yes, yes... I know it's Friday but my inspiration came on a bit late.  Apparently my Muses keep college student hours.)  A bit dangerous even, as folks seem to really get their panties in a bunch over whether they/you are Attachment, Organic, Authoritative, Child Lead, Tiger,  Disciplinarian....   So what are we?  Are we "Spare the rod, spoil the child?" kind of parents?   ... hmmmm no.  Sass is using the rod as a super-battle-katana right now and who am I to stop him from defeating ultimate evil?  Let them "lead" us?  ...  Yeah, no.  We'd live at McDonald's and the zoo 24/7 if we did that.  But what is our parenting goal?  How do I classify the Hubbs and I? ... heh... I've got it...

Survivalist Parenting Style

Yup, that sounds about right and here are our goals.

1.  Nobody becomes an axe murderer.  (Either the kids, because we screwed them up or us, because the little heathens are completely out of control.)

2.  That our sweet littles gain a true appreciation for nature... because we kick their wild little butts outside to pester the dogs when things get rowdy.  Dogs can't say "no".

3.  That they learn to respect authority figures.  Like the po-po.  Just don't get caught my lovelies or Daddy and I will make jail look like chocolate covered heaven.

4.  We want them to enjoy learning... about stuff like gravity.  We are still working on this one as Sass STILL thinks the stairs are a launching pad.  Apparently face first onto hardwood really isn't that much of a deterrent.

5.  We want them to learn the value of friendship... even the imaginary ones.

6.  To be kind, not kind of.  In other words, be nice for reals because people know when you are faking it.  If you don't have anything nice to say then don't go ahead and say it as you turn the corner because I have the ears of a bat.  A BAT, my adorable little pocket gophers.

7.  That they know how much we love them and that when we say... 
Cut that out!
Have you lost your MIND?
Why-oh-why did THAT seem like a good idea?
Spit that out!  That is NOT food.
If you do that one more time....!
That is NOT a jungle gym!
... we actually mean "I love you and you are amazing.".  Awww... *hugs*

8.  That they are unstoppable and can do (almost) anything.  (see # 4 and I'll just throw in an eyeroll here on the "flying" thing.)

     There are other important things like don't wipe poop on the walls, talking really loudly over whoever is trying to have a conversation is not cute, and trying to sumo wrestle strangers is generally frowned upon but those are just cherries on our Chitlin' Rearin' sundae.  Bonus points for getting them to stop picking their noses in public...

Whoo!  Here's to their college fund not going to Rehab or Bail!

Now head on over here to check out some more awesomeness on the subject!


  1. Replies
    1. We should have a play date! I think they would TOTALLY dig each other.

  2. Survivalist is kinda our style too. I really hate putting myself in a category like that.

    I'm a new follower from the "You Like Me" blog hop. I'd love for you to check out my blog when you get the chance and have a great weekend!

    Heather from Mommy Only Has 2 Hands

  3. These were hilarious! Absolute love "to be kind, not kind of". I found you via the MTM mixer and am now a fan. Plan to subscribe to your different channels. Thanks so much for the Friday Funny!!

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids

    1. It's really nice to meet you... Maybe I'll come over and sit a spell.... ;)

  4. That seems like awesome, high class survival parenting to me!

    1. Heh... you said I was "high class". That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.... ;)

  5. This is so great! My faves are #3, #6 and #7. Pure brilliance, my friend! Love it!

    1. Yeah.... the jail one is particularly important to me... ;)


  6. Love that reference to chocolate heaven. I'm going to put that one in my back pocket. ~TALU

  7. I'm still working on having my kids not pick and *eat* their boogers in public. Survival mode, you're right. That's what it feels like. Because really nobody has a handle on this thing called parenthood. Kids are so different. Great and funny post! TALU