I should be seen and not heard....

Sass Monkey: “Mommy, I need a phone like yours.”

Me:  “Oh yeah?”

Sass Monkey: “But I need one with Spiderman on it.  Yeah.  I think I need a Spiderman phone.” *heavy 3 yr old sigh*

Me:  “Well, okay.  Who would you call?”

Sass Monkey:  “China.  I would call China.”

Me:  “Uh…  Wow…  What would you talk about?  With China.”

Sass Monkey:  “Toys.  We would talk about toys.”

     This was yet another lesson for me about why you really SHOULD watch what sarcasm slips through your teeth in the heat of the moment instead of the four letter laced phrase that you are ACTUALLY thinking.  Are you doing yourself a favor by NOT having the kid who asks the teacher what an S.O.B. is (thank you Grandpa)?  Maybe not...  “Stop pushing the buttons on the side of my phone while you play “Fishy Poots”!  You are going to call China!” then becomes "I'm going to call China.",  an awkward, and possible VERY expensive, mistake.  (The game is actually called “Fishy Farts” but apparently I do have some boundary lines drawn on what I am willing to have repeated in front of teachers and Grandparents)

     Another, more painful, example includes:

Me:  “ If you can’t stop jumping off the coffee table I am going to duct tape you to the wall.” 

       Which then becomes:

      Sass Monkey:   “No duct tape, Mommy.  Don’t duct tape me.” 

        This of course must be said loudly and in public.

  

     Or:

                 Me:  "What is going on in here?  You sound like a bunch of squealing heathens!"

                 This will eventually involve a parent teacher conference with questions about why Sass Monkey is calling  his classmates "Heathens", "Beasts", or (and even more disturbing) "Heathen Beasts". 

*heavy Mommy sigh*