You know you are a Mom when…
You can catch vomit in your hand, clean it up, and then finish your dinner.
You reach into your purse for a pen… and pull out a Hotwheels car.
Your car smells like Cheerios and Goldfish. On a good day.
You can correctly identify AT LEAST 20 different species of dinosaurs by scientific name and era.
You start choosing clothes on “washability” not “wearability”.
You talk about Spiderman and don’t actually mean Toby Maguire. You MEAN Spiderman.
You feel uncontrollably compelled to pick up small pieces of trash (because someone could choke!)… off the sidewalk.
You will pick someone else’s nose. In public.
You find yourself unconsciously giving teenagers the shark-eye.
You start referring to college students as “kids”.
You spend more time in the baby isle than the beer isle.
You know who Eric Carle is.
You don’t even consider the cute little lacy thongs in Target and head straight for the 6 pack of cotton bikini cuts. No one wants to start a butt-fire.
You buy pasta… in bulk. Because they will eat ANYTHING on Rotini!
You throw your hands up, start clapping, and yell “Yay! Good for you! I’m so proud of you!” when co-workers tell you they have finished a project.
Quality time with your hubby involves a remote and falling asleep on the couch by 9 p.m.
You find yourself going to the bathroom a lot, not because you actually have to go, but because it is the quietest room in the house.
You say “Cut that out!” just … like… your…. Mother… (shudder).
You buy gigantic purses because “I can get diapers, wipes, AND a sippy in here! And Bonus! There’s even room for my phone!”
You know what I mean when I say “Diaper Fart”. Worst. Smell. Ever.