Wednesday, September 12, 2012


This article made me want to spit kittens.

   Apparently, Ms. Katie Roiphe, you don’t get it.  I don’t put a picture of my children’s pudding smudged faces up on Facebook as my profile picture to hide myself from anyone, I put it there because they are cuter than everybody else’s and I want all the other Mommies to be secretly jealous of the perfection smiling angelically at them from my comments/profile/blog/ect...  J  Plus, sometimes I need the reminder that they CAN ACTUALLY BE GOOD.

   But seriously, we are all absolutely certain that we have cuter/faster/smarter/funnier/crazier kids than everyone else, and do you know why, Ms. Roiphe?  It’s PRIDE.  Pride in our families, pride in their accomplishments, pride in our accomplishments as their mothers.  We are not locking ourselves away, we  are  growing, teaching, loving, and playing every day.  It makes for some busy days! I’m sorry that we don’t always have the time to gussy up and take that pretty little pic for our FB pages, but we are too busy raising the next thinking, feeling, growing generation of human beings. The ones who will make all the hard and right decisions.  The ones who will make a difference.  In just a few years, they will be gone, off on adventures that we cannot be a part of, and I have a sneaking suspicion that we will not be bemoaning the fact we could have had more wine and tapas nights with the girls or read that brand new book right after it was released.   Ask yourself,  at the end of my life, will I be comforted by all the albums of vacation pictures that I took or by the soft touch of my children’s hand?  So yes, our Facebook profile photos may not have us in them but take a look a little deeper before judging.  After all, it's not all about the surface, right?  Explore the photo albums full of smiling pictures of parents and children having fun, hanging out, and enjoying each other's company.  No one is pushed to the back, no one is fading away, and no one is lost.  In fact, we are all so very, very found.

   When we have children, Ms. Roiphe, we do not forget ourselves… we just find out a little bit more about what is important.  Well, some of us do anyway.

   P.S. – I don’t know what kind of parents you have been hanging around with, but when the Daddies I know get together, they talk about poop, sleepless nights, teething, and vomit just like the Mommies do.  Maybe you just need some new friends?


  1. Not sure you quite understood the social commentary Katie describes. The point of her article is that it is irrelevant how much any parent loves their child or how special the mom or dad thinks they are. It's about perception. A lot of people - especially the 35+ crowd - do not really understand social media. Therefore, when people display a picture of a child instead of themselves, it can be perceived by all those who see you profile that you have lost your identity or that your image is not as important as that of your child.

    And no one can claim they are not on Facebook to be judged - that is what it's all about. It is the most narcissistic medium there is. So parents guilty of replacing their photo with a child can get defensive about this article, but it's just a reaction to the knowledge that their choices about how they portray themselves on social media are being judged negatively. As they say, If you can't stand the heat, get out of the Facebook kitchen!

  2. You're right about the perception part. The article discusses the perceived "loss of self" by the modern mother on this social platform. Social media is no more narcissistic that a conversation at the corner store... it's all about how you use it. And while Zuckerberg may be a mere babe, most of the people he has working for him ARE in the 35+ crowd. I would imagine that they understand social media quite well. My disagreement lies in Roiphe's perception of loss. She sees the change in conversational behavior, the posting of the baby pics, ect. as women giving up pars of themselves or fading into the background. I see it more as an emotional evolution. A greater realization of my hierarchy of importance. "My children come first" does NOT mean that "I come last."