Before Sass was born, I had this very defined image of what a Mommy should be. This completely unattainable goal of nurturing perfection. Soft words, hot meals, intellectually stimulating discovery play (that just sounds bad, doesn't it? *snicker*) … Everything was going to be Martha Stewart, Baby Einstein, and Organic. Then, Sass was born. Yikes. “It’s a good thing” takes talent and time, neither of which I had, Baby Einstein was “boring”, and Organic is freaking expensive. Most days, it seemed like I couldn't do anything the way (I thought) I was supposed to. Fast forward a bit and we added Sprinkles to the mix (you like what I did there?) and I was even less like the Goddess of Motherly Everything-ness that I thought I should be. Why wasn't I perfect? Why couldn't I be perfect? I MUST be a bad mother! Begin the tearing out of hair and the gnashing of teeth!
Oh wait… I’m human. Crap. We are all screwed.
I had forgotten that our imperfections are what make us perfection. And that I have sides. I have my Mommy side that likes to snuggle and read books and tickle and make pie, but that isn't all of me. When I ignore what I like to think of as my “Primordial Sides” my Mommy side suffers… a lot. And when Momma ain’t happy, well, you know the rest. As I emerged from my second round of baby-fog I realized (like Hotweels after playtime) I had left bits of me behind and it was time to go pick them back up. (It was really more like a bomb had gone off and I was searching for survivors in the wreckage) Self-evaluation time (insert obnoxious eye roll)! So far the sides I have rediscovered are:
Vanity Smurf – This side likes to wear tights with boots and paint my nails “Teal-of-Fortune”. Vanity likes to wear loud colors and show cleavage. Mommies don't have cleavage, do they? Wrong! Everything is still there… it may just need a little extra scaffolding.
Roller B*tch – Roller Derby rocks my socks. A group of fantastic ladies, gettin’ rink skills, beating the crap out of themselves and others, and we all leave smelling like anti-roses. Take that b*tch and please ma'am may I have another!
Nerdy Birdy – I started reading again. A luxury that anyone with small children will know is hard won or non-existent. But, you see, it feeds my brain and makes it all sparky and then I get to have ideas that don't involve the best choice for a sippy cup or bed time freak-out strategies. I get to think the thoughts… and the thoughts feel gooooooood.
There are more, I'm sure (and I am also pretty sure my hubby would add one or two “scarier” sides…) but I think I am doing pretty good so far. The best part was realizing that my family likes to see these sides too. Sass has been begging for roller skates, Sprinks appreciates a dark nail polish, and hubby doesn't mind my wardrobe choices. J I wonder what is next….