Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dr. Mom and Mrs. Hyde....


   Before Sass was born, I had this very defined image of what a Mommy should be.  This completely unattainable goal of nurturing perfection.  Soft words, hot meals, intellectually stimulating discovery play (that just sounds bad, doesn't it? *snicker*) … Everything was going to be Martha Stewart, Baby Einstein, and Organic.  Then, Sass was born.  Yikes.  “It’s a good thing” takes talent and time, neither of which I had,  Baby Einstein was “boring”, and Organic is freaking expensive.  Most days, it seemed like I couldn't do anything the way (I thought) I was supposed to.  Fast forward a bit and we added Sprinkles to the mix (you like what I did there?) and I was even less like the Goddess of Motherly Everything-ness that I thought I should be.  Why wasn't I perfect?  Why couldn't I be perfect?  I MUST be a bad mother! Begin the tearing out of hair and the gnashing of teeth!

Oh wait… I’m human.  Crap.  We are all screwed. 
     
     I had forgotten that our imperfections are what make us perfection.  And that I have sides.   I have my Mommy side that likes to snuggle and read books and tickle and make pie, but that isn't all of me.  When I ignore what I like to think of as my “Primordial Sides” my Mommy side suffers… a lot.  And when Momma ain’t happy, well, you know the rest.  As I emerged from my second round of baby-fog I realized (like Hotweels after playtime) I had left bits of me behind and it was time to go pick them back up.  (It was really more like a bomb had gone off and I was searching for survivors in the wreckage)   Self-evaluation time (insert obnoxious eye roll)!  So far the sides I have rediscovered are:

Vanity Smurf – This side likes to wear tights with boots and paint my nails “Teal-of-Fortune”.  Vanity likes to wear loud colors and show cleavage.  Mommies don't have cleavage, do they?  Wrong!  Everything is still there… it may just need a little extra scaffolding.
Roller B*tch – Roller Derby rocks my socks.  A group of fantastic ladies, gettin’ rink skills, beating the crap out of themselves and others, and we all leave smelling like anti-roses.  Take that b*tch and please ma'am  may I have another!
Nerdy Birdy – I started reading again.  A luxury that anyone with small children will know is hard won or non-existent.  But, you see, it feeds my brain and makes it all sparky and then I get to have ideas that don't involve the best choice for a sippy cup or bed time freak-out strategies.  I get to think the thoughts… and the thoughts feel gooooooood.
    
     There are more, I'm sure (and I am also pretty sure my hubby would add one or two “scarier” sides…) but I think I am doing pretty good so far.  The best part was realizing that my family likes to see these sides too.  Sass has been begging for roller skates, Sprinks appreciates a dark nail polish, and hubby doesn't mind my wardrobe choices.  J  I wonder what is next….

12 comments:

  1. Great post! This is all so true. I feel like all my other "sides" get stuffed in a box and packed away. I love reading too for the same reason--it allows me to think! Hoping you get a chance to rock those tights and boots soon :)

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    1. Rockin 'em today! Whoot!

      Thanks, btw... :)

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  2. Yes, it is easy to lose ourselves when we become moms. Some of the losses are a good thing as we all could be a little less selfish- but it is definitely not good if it goes too far.
    Good for you for finding yourself.

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    1. Thank you! My reality just keeps finding more fun!

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  4. So true - hard to manage all my sides, all my hats, personas. You be who you want to be :) Everyone is a complex mix of moods and desires.

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  5. For sure you need to acknowledge and feed all of your sides, not just the mommy one! Really cute post :)

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  6. I have many, many sides to myself as well. Sometimes the loving, caring, nurturing mommy is hard to find. I think we all struggle with this.

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    1. Maybe I will struggle less now that I have found "Teal-of-Fortune" (my new fav nail color)... :)

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