Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dr. Mom and Mrs. Hyde....

   Before Sass was born, I had this very defined image of what a Mommy should be.  This completely unattainable goal of nurturing perfection.  Soft words, hot meals, intellectually stimulating discovery play (that just sounds bad, doesn't it? *snicker*) … Everything was going to be Martha Stewart, Baby Einstein, and Organic.  Then, Sass was born.  Yikes.  “It’s a good thing” takes talent and time, neither of which I had,  Baby Einstein was “boring”, and Organic is freaking expensive.  Most days, it seemed like I couldn't do anything the way (I thought) I was supposed to.  Fast forward a bit and we added Sprinkles to the mix (you like what I did there?) and I was even less like the Goddess of Motherly Everything-ness that I thought I should be.  Why wasn't I perfect?  Why couldn't I be perfect?  I MUST be a bad mother! Begin the tearing out of hair and the gnashing of teeth!

Oh wait… I’m human.  Crap.  We are all screwed. 
     I had forgotten that our imperfections are what make us perfection.  And that I have sides.   I have my Mommy side that likes to snuggle and read books and tickle and make pie, but that isn't all of me.  When I ignore what I like to think of as my “Primordial Sides” my Mommy side suffers… a lot.  And when Momma ain’t happy, well, you know the rest.  As I emerged from my second round of baby-fog I realized (like Hotweels after playtime) I had left bits of me behind and it was time to go pick them back up.  (It was really more like a bomb had gone off and I was searching for survivors in the wreckage)   Self-evaluation time (insert obnoxious eye roll)!  So far the sides I have rediscovered are:

Vanity Smurf – This side likes to wear tights with boots and paint my nails “Teal-of-Fortune”.  Vanity likes to wear loud colors and show cleavage.  Mommies don't have cleavage, do they?  Wrong!  Everything is still there… it may just need a little extra scaffolding.
Roller B*tch – Roller Derby rocks my socks.  A group of fantastic ladies, gettin’ rink skills, beating the crap out of themselves and others, and we all leave smelling like anti-roses.  Take that b*tch and please ma'am  may I have another!
Nerdy Birdy – I started reading again.  A luxury that anyone with small children will know is hard won or non-existent.  But, you see, it feeds my brain and makes it all sparky and then I get to have ideas that don't involve the best choice for a sippy cup or bed time freak-out strategies.  I get to think the thoughts… and the thoughts feel gooooooood.
     There are more, I'm sure (and I am also pretty sure my hubby would add one or two “scarier” sides…) but I think I am doing pretty good so far.  The best part was realizing that my family likes to see these sides too.  Sass has been begging for roller skates, Sprinks appreciates a dark nail polish, and hubby doesn't mind my wardrobe choices.  J  I wonder what is next….


  1. Great post! This is all so true. I feel like all my other "sides" get stuffed in a box and packed away. I love reading too for the same reason--it allows me to think! Hoping you get a chance to rock those tights and boots soon :)

  2. Yes, it is easy to lose ourselves when we become moms. Some of the losses are a good thing as we all could be a little less selfish- but it is definitely not good if it goes too far.
    Good for you for finding yourself.

  3. Replies
    1. Thank you! My reality just keeps finding more fun!

  4. So true - hard to manage all my sides, all my hats, personas. You be who you want to be :) Everyone is a complex mix of moods and desires.

  5. For sure you need to acknowledge and feed all of your sides, not just the mommy one! Really cute post :)

  6. I have many, many sides to myself as well. Sometimes the loving, caring, nurturing mommy is hard to find. I think we all struggle with this.

    1. Maybe I will struggle less now that I have found "Teal-of-Fortune" (my new fav nail color)... :)