Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Hell-NO-ween Costumes

I LOVE Halloween.  I love the decorations.  I love the candy.  I love the fact that it means Fall is here and BRING ON THE COOL AIR AND THE BITEY INSECT DEATH! (Except it also means that all those horrible, hairy, eight-legged nasties will be on their way in seeking warmth, shelter, and the bottom of the "Smashin Flop".  My husband got one so big yesterday that he dubbed all the guts "natural floor wax" as he was trying to scrape it up with a paper towel.  I was safely positioned on the ceiling.)  I especially love the costumes...  Kids costumes.  My wigglers are cute incarnate as it is, but couple that with something fuzzy out of a cartoon, and BOOM!   Instant Death-by-cute!  The neighbors won't know what hit them!  I began perusing the interwebs a couple of weeks ago for the appropriate adora-armor and came across... well... you'll see.

It's the rice that bothers me...  My first thought?  Maggots.  That could just be me though.  Nothing says "Give me Candy" like a giant California roll showing up at yer front door.  And really, do you think he ASKED to be sushi?  I think not.

It's... just .... I dunno... wrong somehow.  On the upside, I bet she can make her own taco seasoning!

Do you really think your kids are going to know what this is?  Now, if she was dressed as a shirt sleeve then maybe....

I thought it was cute... until I looked at the utter...  I can see the panic in that poor child's eyes from here....

This is what you would put on your child in if you never wanted them invited to any Halloween party ever.  Or if you wanted them to trick or treat alone.  Or if you just thought years of therapy would be "fun".

Just... no.  No.

W.  T.  F. you ask?  Yeah... me too.  I saved the best (and by that I mean most soul-damaging) for last.  Oh, they're real.  Real creepy.  Okay... the purple one is an Octopus, that I get,  but what is that brown one?  Sea flea with Leprosy issues?  Maybe.  Elephantiasis Crab?  Possibly.  Poop with legs?  Probably.  What it felt like I was giving birth to the first time round after my beloved epidural wore off around hour 16?  Most definitely!   And that doll... ewww.

Now, there are TONS of affordable and adorable costumes out there to choose from.  (and a few that make me question whether or not Mommy and Daddy would mind if little sweet 'ums ended up on a stripper pole)  Sass Monkey will most likely end up as Spiderman... or maybe a Transformer... or maybe Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates (note to self: teach him "What do ya do with a drunken sailor?)  It changes hourly.  I have yet to find a decent Godzilla costume for Sprinkles.  I have this dream of one day taking a picture of her destroying a Little People City with one of the little plastic victims sticking out of her mouth.  She LOVES to chew on the heads.  We'll see...  Until then, ENJOY!

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