Thursday, October 11, 2012

WARNING: Rant-tastic-ly Delicious

     If one more person over the age of 40 gives me that “You can't possible know what you are talking about, little girl” sneer... well, I cannot be held responsible for how massively huge I brake stupid on them. 
Yes, I am a full cup of adorable today in my cowboy boots and my little pink satin dress.  I DO have a forehead like a Precious Moments figurine, big blue eyes and I am roughly the height of your average garden gnome but I HAVE A BRAIN AND I LIKE TO USE IT!  Sorry I can't say the same for you.  Pink does not make me clueless.  Short does not make me weak.  Young does not make me inexperienced.  Blonde does not make me stupid.  Cowboy boots make me DEAD sexy.  Girly does not make me allergic to technology.  Come ON, people.
     It’s like I need to develop a nervous tick, wear Star Trek tee-shirts, and stop bathing to get taken seriously.  Never underestimate someone who can see your nose hair.  And trim that sh*t, fool.  I keep saying “ I'm sorry, can you repeat that?” because all I can think about is the nearest escape route in case that crusty little Tribble in your left nostril decides to jump ship and begin the invasion.  And grow some social skills.  When I have politely suggested that you are full of sh*t several times, and you soldier on like Sherman through Atlanta and then really screw things up… do NOT act surprised when I not-so-politely suggest you go take a long walk off a short pier.  I have to fix enough of my screw ups that I DO NOT have time to fix yours.    I did not give birth to you.  I am not wiping your butt.

Moral of this rant:  People should be on their knees, thanking whoever, that I cannot shoot lasers out of my eyes or spit fire.
Lock and Load, B*tches...


  1. Okay, my super power would have been a lasso of truth. Until just now. Now I want to be able to shoot lasers from my eyes!


    1. I feel like it would be a very cathartic superpower... :)