Sass Monkey is an unstoppable vocabulary waterfall… a vorrent, if you will. From dawn till dusk, and in between, he has ideas… lots of them… and he is going to share them with you. Right now. Or else. He even talks (and sings) in his sleep. He talks to the checker at the grocery store, the person in line behind us, and the person 2 lanes over who is male, 20, and desperately trying to act as if progeny/procreation can't ever really happen. Sass Monkey LOVES to burst those bubbles. J That’s mah boy… way to call ‘em out on it. He tells people about Spiderman, his trains, his favorite costume, his little sister, and his bowel movements. He has recently begun announcing at the top of his lungs that “I POOTED!” Not waiting for a reaction, he just returns to whatever he was doing as if it is perfectly normal and accepted behavior to give people a “heads up”. I find this to be particularly effective in crowded public spaces.
He has the voice of an angel. Especially when he summons you to help wipe his bum after a BM. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir couldn't sing it any sweeter. “I poooooooooped. Come wiiiiiiiiiipe meeeeeee.” He’s like a poop siren. Not unlike the Grecian sailors of old, you are lured out to certain nose death by a song of astonishing beauty. Struck dumb by stink, you are easy prey…
He also has an amazing understanding of the English language. Astounding, really. Take the word “traffic” for instance. Not only can he use and apply the word appropriately while in the car:
Sass: “Go cars! MOVE! Go faster! We are in traffic… *sigh*”, (it’s not like he sounds like hubby and I while he is yelling at them. Ahem… *nervous laugh*)
he can also use it in other ways to perfectly illustrate the situation as he sees it in that amazing/scary little noggin:
(While sitting on the window side of a booth in a restaurant)
Sass: “I gotta go pee. Daddy get up! I’m in TRAFFIC!”.
I catch him watching TV, repeating the big words that he hears under his breath as if he is downloading them for later use. Which he most certainly is. Probably in the middle of Target in front of a bunch of other Moms who like to give those horrified/judgy looks. Come on… like your kid hasn't ever told a perfect stranger that “I have a Pini cause I'm a boy.” and if they haven't... what are you doing wrong? (And by the way, mortified perfect stranger who had the misfortune of standing in line with us while Sass was all about the differences between boys and girls, the appropriate response is “Way to go!” with a high-5. There's no reason to be sceeered, now....)