Waiting is the hardest part... for EVERYBODY!

Once upon a time (like 6 a.m.) there was a wiggly bed ninja with ice cubes for feet and an insatiable need for Spiderman merch....

Sass:  *launches himself into bed, icy little feet headed directly for anything warm and squishy.  Stomach or butt are the preferred methods of feet warming.  Not by my choice ...*
"Mommy, have you seen da Spiderman mask dat talks?  Santa's gonna bwing me dat one..."

Me:  *snort... eek! Ack... who put ice cubes in the bed... oh wait.*  "Wha? ... Oh... good morning, sweetie."

Sass:  "Dat Spiderman mask Santa is gonna bwing me.  My fweinds has seen it."

Me:  "Oh... okay"

Sass:  "Mommy, can I have some ceeeeereal?  I need ceeeeereal."  *begins frantic wiggling*

Me:  "Sure, honey.  Just a second."  *errrr... bed too comfy...*

Sass:  *Huffs loudly, thumps to the floor, and heads for the door.*
"Dis is gonna take a wong time, Mommy.  My ceeeereal will take FOREVER."

*sigh*

...At least all the baby wants is the wrapping paper and the boxes the toys come in to chuck at her brother's head...  I need to find her some toys in really big boxes....

The Sneaky Snuggler Earfail Gummy

Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday... I propose Nap Wednesday.  Let's all send those kids to daycare, Grandma's, your local pet shelter... and all take naps.  You know the kind I mean....

The "Slimy":
     The kind of nap where you sleep so hard you sweat through the clothes you fell asleep in because you just didn't make it to getting them off.

The "Vampire":
     Wait!  Wasn't it daylight outside when I laid down?

The "Gummy":
     Usually only a problem during allergy season.

The "Numby":
     Only a Hubbs issue for the most part but I think that is just because I haven't reached the level of nap-taking where my arms actually fall asleep.  He is a nap guru...

The "Earfail":
     A personal favorite of mine.  It's when you fall asleep so hard that you don't notice you've bent your ear over... don't notice until you pick your head up anyway...

The "Sneaky Snuggler":
     The nap you unintentionally take next to your child in their tiny little bed while trying to get them to take a nap.

The "Shitter":
     No, no.. not that...  It's the one where, when you wake up, you wonder when the elephant got into the house and shit in your mouth.  Can also be referred to as the "Sweater" nap. (cause you mouth feels all fuzzy and Sass tells you to stop breathing on him and to go brush yer teefs.)

Of course, any of these can be combined:

The Gummy Numby
The Slimy Earfail
The Sneaky Snuggler Vampire
The Numby Shitter
The Sneaky Snuggler Earfail Gummy
The Slimy Vampire Shitter

And so on and so on...  And they are all beautiful because they all involve sleep...

I love this one too... 

the "Car Seat Knock-Out"... 

even though it doesn't involve me 

actually getting any sleep....

Know of any I missed?  
Any favorites to share?  
Preferred Combinations?

An unholy cluster of no-sleep-demons...

     Phew!  Well, Thanksgiving turned out to be kinda like I thought it might.  An unholy cluster of no-sleep-demons and unattended sharp objects.  And marbles... Oh Gawd the marbles.... *shudder*

Now... on to Christmas!

     Sass Monkey is just now starting to really understand the Santa idea.  Unfortunately, this realization has not happened in conjunction with a deeper understanding of time and space so every morning starts with "Santa comes today?  It's Christmas?" and then every five minutes after that... and after that... and after that....  Poor guy, it's killing him.  He spent most of Sunday hovering around the fireplace (of course, with no fire in it) with his play tools "fixing"  it so that it would be safe for Santa.  This also means that we will now need a new metal fireplace curtain as he some how managed to disassemble and destroy the old one with plastic Black and Decker pliers...  Very realistic.

     I would also like to report that Sprinkles has learned a new word.  While she refuses to say "Momma" and will only occasionally use "Dadda", she will drop "Biscuit" with a clarity and conviction to rival the most finely trained of orators.  "Mommy" ranks so far below these delicious breakfast breads that she may do no more than point and grunt at me until she is 12.

"Love is not love 

Which alters when it alteration finds..." 

(Shakespeare, Sonnet 116)

     Now, because I have blocked out most of the last 4 days and hope to have it remain buried in my subconscious for the rest of my life, I am going to forgo the blow-by-blow (heh, blow) replay of the afore mentioned cluster in which I got to drink even less than I got to sit still.  (Holiday FAIL, folks.)  Instead, you are getting a listing of memorable quotes from the excruciatingly long weekend.  Enjoy!

Sass: "Mommy, you're giving me a heart attack." (Said in the middle of a crowded grocery store at the top of his lungs)

"Wow... that baby sure likes her sausage." * awkward pause*  "Huh.  That's something that shouldn't be said after she turns 18."

Sass:  "That can has GRASS in it." (Said while furiously wiping his tongue off on his jacket sleeve after he sprayed Deep Woods Off directly into his mouth.)

"That cake has liquor in it.  Do you think the baby would like some?"

Sass's Great-Grandma: "What is he saying?"

Me: "Penis, Grandma.  He's saying "penis"." 

Sass's Great-Grandma: "Oh."

And this is all I can REMEMBER...  Imagine all the gems I have blocked out because of my PTHD (Post-Traumatic-Holiday-Disorder)....

Happy Stuff-Yerself-And-Yer-Turkey Day!

A little nugget of disturbing for your holiday....

Ah yes... Gary Larson... 

you can't go wrong with Gary Larson.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

(Or as Sass would say, "Is it Christmas yet?")

Turkey Tornadoes

Yay!  Turkey Time!    Time to pack up the Armada of baby crap and flotilla this sh*t out to an un-baby-proofed house made of sharp edges and wood burning everything.
No, don't touch it that it isn't a toy because I said so and where did you get this and what is in your mouth oh gawd it's a lady bugs wings but where is the body and why are you so happy about it and if you go to sleep I will buy you a pony....  
But at least the food is good.  :)
Just take a bite and try it you might like it and don't you throw that ma'am and please stay in your seat don't you dare gag that out on your plate just swallow it SWALLOW IT!  *Ug*.  
And there are lots of extra hands to help.
If you continue to whip my child into a frothing, raging frenzy right before bed I will have them sleep with you by gawd I'm not kidding it's only funny for you and NO he doesn't "wear out" what is this "wear out" that you speak of?
And liquor... or the "Nobody Dies" Juice...

This is most definitely a "Punctuation Enabler" as it allows me to actually use the proper punctuation in my brain instead of everything being all "The Sound and the Fury" in there.

Click here to read all about this 

Miracle Mommy Medicine... my Happy Holiday Helper... 

It comes in HANDLES!!!!

Ahhhhhh.... that's better....
Now, go play my little sweetlings.  We brought lots band aids and ladybugs aren't THAT poisonous....

Someone else tooted my horn for a change....

     YEEEEEEK!  So something really exciting has happened.  Did you know people actually like to read my blog?  And then actually publicly admit to reading it on their own blogs?  HUGE!   It's like the cool kid in high school actually making eye contact with me in the hallway...  They know I exist!!!

     This awesome lady at Mom Of The Year just became the popular cheerleader who rocked my bloggy existence (right here).  Oh honey, am I gonna go and get a big head about this one.... (My poor Hubbs.  I'm gonna be all mouthy and thinkin' the thoughts above my station....)  Now that I am back from the Land-Where-Cell-Reception-Goes-To-Die (a.k.a. BFE), I can tell ya'll all about it.  Tomorrow will be good!

     That is not to say that all you wonderful, spell check tolerant peeps who read, lurk, and comment don't make me feel all warm fuzzies.  I love you and you have no idea what you all have done for my now vastly inflated ego over the past couple months.  I need you all like I need Diet Mountain Dew... and air.  Definitely like air.  Thank you all so very much for validating all my neurotic idiosyncrasies and keep up the good work! (a.k.a. - stroke my ego)  :)

I am all like this....

Well, I DID ask....

After reading his bedtime story last night…

Me:  “Who did you play with today at school, honey?”

Sass:  “Bad Sam.  He pushed me down.”

Me:  “Sam pushed you?  Did he say he was sorry?”

Sass:  “No.  He’s da Bad Sam.  I said “Neener, Neener Neener!” *Thumbs plated on his cheeks.  Fingers waving insultingly* “You can’t catch me.” And den he pushed me.  But I played with the Good Sam.”

Something tells me “Bad Sam” was framed but I say nothing.

Me:  “There is a Good Sam?  So there are two Sams?”

Sass:  “Yeeeaaah.  I play wif my Super Friends.  Der is two Bob’s and two Terrence’s…”

Uuuuuummm…  So his entire class is either Dr. Seuss’s “Too Many Daves” or full of Doppelgangers?  Or is it like when Spiderman was taken over by that black goo and became “Bad Spiderman”?  Is my son’s daycare near any nuclear reactors, secret research centers, or built on an ancient Indian burial ground?  Are Sass and his Super Friends our only hope of defeating the Ultimate Evil?  Have I been watching too many bad SyFy movies after the kids go to bed?

Me:  “So there are a lot of kids in your class with the same names?”

Sass:  “No… I don’t know their names.”

Me:  “Oh.”

*Sigh*

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

War of the Organs

     Oh.... my heart hurts a little.  My baby girl is all grown up and totally unconcerned if Mommy leaves her at daycare.  Not even one little shriek this morning as I put her down and peeled her out of her coat.  She toddled right on over to the play stove all her little friends were hovering around, banging food on pretend burners like space apes on a monolith, and didn't even look back.  No fear, Sprinkles, no fear.
     Hubbs would just look at me funny and say "But isn't this what you wanted?" and I would say "Well, yes.... but no!"  She spent the first year of her life desperately clinging to me (A.  Whole.  Freakin'.  Year.), needing me to make the world an okay place, and now... she can do it all by herself.  All I get to do is watch. *sniff*
     Now, I am sure she will still need me for scrapes and bumps, and maybe a little snuggle on the couch at night, but it is the end of an era.  I see it now as I saw it with Sass.  The Era of Independence is upon us.  The Era of Baby has fallen behind.  All hail the time of "I Do It!". (or whatever phrase she comes up with to tell me to "back the f*ck up, yo".)
     How can I feel proud and so sad at the same time?  I suppose it is the war of the brain vs. the heart. (It is a bloody battle...  heh, see what I did there?)  My brain tells me that this is good.  She is maturing and reaching her developmental milestones (check that off yer chart, pediatrician man!) and making friends *gasp*...  My heart just needs a tissue.  * insert ugly cry here*

Oh mah baby.... 

Where ever are you growing?

Food that "hugs you", not "mugs you".

This time of year always brings out the "Comfort Food" side of me.  Potatoes, meat, onions, thick breads... all things warm and wonderful.  I am also always trying to find quick, inexpensive recipes (I like my cooking like me.  Easy and cheap.)  that don't involve a lot of pre-packaged foods for my kids.  (Not that I won't slap a chicky nugget down, now.)  I "re-discovered" (i.e. - walked to the fridge and thought "Gah!  What am I going to do with all this left over chicken?  If I make one more friggin' quesadilla, I am going to BRAIN someone!  Oh, wait...) an oldie but goodie recently and thought I would share... in case you were interested.  In other words... slow blog day ya'll.  :)

Chicken and Dumplings Slut-Style (Oh, they are so very, VERY easy!)

*I would like to start out by saying I don't really measure anything.  I just taste as I go and add where needed.  This recipe is VERY forgiving.*

Ingredients:

A couple of big handfuls (more or less) of shredded chicken.  You can use leftover "whatever" chicken.
2 cups Self-Rising (or not) flour
A little salt
milk
1/2 a large yellow onion
3 or 4 good sized carrots
2 or 3 big stalks of celery
2 or 3 tablespoons of Vegetable shortening
At least one box or 2 cans of chicken stock.  I like Better Than Bullion.  You can usually find the Chicken, Beef, and Ham bases in regular grocery stores.  No MSG and they have low sodium versions, too!

Cooking Instructions:

Bring the stock to a steady simmer and add shredded chicken and thin-ish sliced onion, celery and carrots  until the veggies are soft (about 20 minutes) .  Make sure there is enough stock to cover everything and then some.  Those dumpling will be on the absorbent side.
While everything is bubbling away , mix flour, a little salt (you don't need much) and a couple of good sized spoonfuls of vegetable shortening together with a fork.  This is where dumpling preference comes into play.  If you use self-rising flour, your dumplings will be more biscuit like.  If you use plain flour they will be more noodley.  Both are quite tasty and kid approved.   Add small amounts of milk to the mixture until you get a stiff and slightly sticky ball of dough.  Make sure you have enough liquid bubbling away before you add the dumplings.  Add more water, if you have to.  Nothing worse than a dry dumpling, you know?
Coat your hand in flour and pat out patties of dough about the size and thickness of your palm and lay them, sides touching, on top of the chicken-y deliciousness.  Cover and cook for another 10 minutes or so.  You will know the dish is done when you pull open a dumpling and the inside is dry.

Scoop, serve, and sit back to receive your praise.

This eats nice, makes a shit-ton, and reheats great.  Your kids won't even notice that they are eating fresh carrots, either, if they aren't in to that sort of thing...

This is the Biscuit Dumpling version.  

Cause I am always trying to find ways to get more biscuits in my diet...

Now it's your turn.  Post a recipe in my comments section below or e-mail it to me at dontchewonthedinnertable@gmail.com and I will post them for everyone to see and enjoy.  Help a girl out here... I need some new material!  :)

Batteries and Biscuits...

Our car batter finally gave up the ghost this morning and let all its green stuff out.  Tragic.  We had known this was coming for a while, we had just hoped it would happen closer to the end of a pay period... but why be convenient, right?  Luckily we have a second car (with no car seats at the moment) so we were able to resurrect Robert the Blue Car (What?  Your car DOESN'T have a name), drive the kids to daycare and roll into a Firestone.  And why not just switch the car seats, you ask?  Because hooking those things up takes a PhD in Physics or Spacial Development.  Damn you, Graco.

Anyway, while watching Hubbs get the jumper cables hooked up through the storm door, Sass asked,
"What is Daddy doing?"
Me:  "He's jumping the car so we can go to school."
Sass:  *Looks very confused and inserts Thinkin' Finger* (He has always stuck his index finger into his mouth when he is having the deep thoughts.  We have come to call it "the Thinkin' Finger".)
Me:  "Umm... Cars need gas and electricity to go like you need food and milk."
Sass:  *BING* "The car jumps, Mommy?  I jump too!"

And instantly, I saw in his face that Robert the Blue Care and Sass were "da sames"... compatriots in play... and jumping.  And I suppose he was right.  At least about the electricity part.  I have often wondered if Sass doesn't actually plug in somewhere when we aren't looking.  His ability to ricochet off furniture and climb the swing set can't be fueled by apple slices and meatballs alone.  This would explain so much...

We also also figured out the most successful technique (a.k.a. Operation No Scream) for Sprinkels' abandonment drop off this morning.  Food.  More specifically, biscuits.  When you get to daycare late, you arrive in the middle of morning snack.  If you arrive during morning snack, the juice and biscuits are already out on the table.  And if they are already out on the table then Sprinks won't even wait for you to put her down before her little legs begin to try and propel her towards her quarry with her arms out stretched,  fingers grasping, and lips smacking wetly at the idea of buttery carb-tastic satisfaction.  Yikes!  Replaced by pastry!  Well, at least she isn't screaming, right?

Out for good behavior...

Oh, sweethairyjeezus, yes....  A day off when daycare is OPEN!  It's like Christmas except Hubbs and I still have to wrangle on Christmas, so in some ways... IT'S BETTER!  Now, don't get yer hopes up.  

What sounds like it might be like this...

Will probably end up being more like this...

Sweet, uninterrupted sleep and/or TV time.  Disney Jr. can suck my Sperry's and Sprout can blow me.  Until the kids get home, of course.  :)  And then we are all Care Bear farts and My Little Pony piles.  Oh wait, wrong generation.  How about Little Nut-Brown Hare trails (that show makes my gag reflex really jumpy) and Captain Barnacles... well... barnacles.  (Don't worry. Quazi.  You are still my favorite.)

One of the few "shows" I will actually watch with the wigglers on purpose...

But I digress... as usual...
It is enough to say that the house is quiet, no one is wearing work clothes, and Hubbs and I just might get to actually sit down for a nice lunch out somewhere.  But lets not get all crazy talk now...  :)

Anybody else out there off the hook...free... erm... out early for good behavior?  How are you all spending your time today?

Mommy sucks and it's okay.

When your baby looks at you like this...

WTF, Mom?  I told you I wanted the PINK sippy cup!

... and your baby but-not-a-baby-anymore does this when you try and talk to him on the couch...

This is me ignoring you, Mom, 

because you are neither Jake NOR a Neverland Pirate.

... you know your are doing a good job at parenting.  (They are I-still-have-to-wipe-your-ass young going on 17 and Mom gets NO LOVE!  Unless I make meatloaf or wear clothing made out of chocolate.... which would just be awkward... mostly for me.)  I am either completely ignored or judged unworthy and I suppose I should be a bit put out by these reactions.... but I'm not.  By pushing those boundaries and voicing those opinions, they let me know that they feel safe.  They know they are loved and cherished and haven't a care in the world.  Well, except for the ones they decide to have as they push their boundaries and develop as people.  So go ahead babies, Ignore me or fuss at my sock color choice.  I know that YOU know that you are safe and we love you.  

But don't push it too far... sweethearts..... 

Frog in my throat....

     My house is in a constant state of drip.  Noses, eyes, mouths... the bathtub upstairs that apparently sprung a leak somewhere vital last week and sent water dripping down the light fixture over the dining room table.  (Super safe, that one, but back to the human drips.)  None of it is cold medicine worthy, or stay home from school worthy... you just hafta deal.  We need to go buy stock in Kleenex and I totally gave up on telling Sass to stop picking his nose about a week ago.  ("Fine.  Get a tissue.  No you don't!  Do NOT wipe it on you sister..... OR THE COUCH!")  Sprinkles just lets it run out of her nose and down her face and then screams like a burned banshee when you try to clean her up.  I think she finds the ooze comforting  (like a slimy green blankie) and to remove it will cause deep emotional scars... for you.

     Anyway, when I woke up this morning, this creeping crud had managed to sink its nasty, goo-encrusted claws into my throat, rendering me effectively mute.  So annoying.

I get to sound like this...

Looks cute but leaves nasty marks on your windows at night....  

Mostly pee dribbles and tummy slime.

But feel like this....

Ri-BIIIIIT, Bitches!

     This morning, Sprinkles gave me the shark-eye until she got a good look at me (apparently she had never had her wake up song sound quite so... guttural)  and I gave Sass a nasty start at the breakfast table.  While waiting for his breakfast he decided it would be a good idea to stand up in his chair, leeeeeean over the back of it, and try to reach the light switch behind him.  He was narrating the entire time, of course.

"I'm gonna turn the light on.  Where does this one go?  What light works it?"

     I turned from breakfast prep and saw him trying to give himself stitches before 7 a.m. (C'mon, little dude!) and what I wanted to say was, 

"What are you doing?  You are going to hurt yourself!  Sit on your bottom!" 

but what actually came out was, 

"Croak, croak, CROOOOOOAK!!!!" 

     He whipped around, eyes wide, looking a little frightened.  He then very slowly turned around, never taking his eyes off of me, and sat back down.... completely silent.  Very effective.

Didn't know Mommy could channel Irritated Toad, did ya?

Mommy Time Out!

     Last night I took a Mommy “Time-Out”.  Hubbs and I picked the kids up, got them home and through the door, and then I turned around and walked right on back out.  (After numerous hugs and kisses, of course.)  And I didn't come home until after the kids were in bed and the house was quiet. 

     You see, once a week I drive all the way to the other side of town, strap on some skates with sassy pink wheels, pad everything, and roll around a track trying to find as many ways as possible to hurt myself.  That’s right folks, Roller Derby.  It’s awesome and I suck but I DON'T CARE!  It’s not about social skills or who is wearing what.  It’s not about calming or centering anything.  It is DEFINITELY not about being polite.  It’s about falling down and getting back up.  It’s about trying hard and doing better than last week (hopefully).  It’s about pushing yourself and getting stronger.  And pain... no small amount of pain.  Like many things worth doing in this world, it takes its toll and leaves some bruises…. and lets you know that you have just being kidding yourself about core strength…  Man, that last wiggler really did my abs in.  (As in pushed them down somewhere around my navel and then left them there to die.  Which they did.)

My Ab Eliminator and future Derby Girl!

It is goooood, and I am gooooood (I am a so-very-old-lady kind of sore.  Lots of popping, and cussin’ this morning.), and I should have just enough time to heal before next week!!!

My new favorite torture device pastime....

How do you spend your Mommy Time-Outs, ladies?

*Any of my Nashville area peeps interested?  Just go here to learn all about how to join the Nashville Revolutionaries.  You will thank me later...  :)

A confection of indefatigable sass...

     This morning, as Sass in no uncertain terms told me in his snottiest little boy voice that HE was going to watch TV and then have breakfast AFTER Sprinkles, my switch flipped.  You know, the one that lets you go from 0 to Vesuvius  in 2.5....

Like this but with more PAIN...

Who was this tiny blonde dictator marching around the house every morning telling anyone and everything when to jump and how high?  Who was he to pull emotional strings and tell me that “I don't want you!  I want Daddy!”?  Had some fire-eyed creature crawled up from the smoky, black depths to possess my sweet baby boy?  Was Sass starting to exhibit the early warning signs of a severe psychosis? (Because OHMAHGAH there are no less than two nasty tempered old men and a wolverine with anger management issues living in that boy’s head right now.)   

     I stopped…. On the verge of a ohholyhellacious full-scale Mommy meltdown (Really?  Before my coffee?)… and just looked at him.  He stood there glaring at me, little brow furrowed, legs braced and arms crossed, ready for a fight.  The product of a lawyer and an unlicensed (but incredibly competent) shit talker (a.k.a Mom).  I deflated a bit.  What was I to expect?  The boy is a tough, very opinionated cookie and comes from a long line of tough, opinionated cookies.  He is a confection of indefatigable sass.  Now, that doesn't mean he gets to be a little Napolean allthedamntime but, as I considered him standing there, battle ready, I felt no small amount of pride.  And also realized I needed to change tactics.

“Fine.”  I said calmly.  “I am only going to make breakfast now.  If you don't want to eat it, I’m not going to make you.”

“No Mommy.  Daddy will make my breakfast.” * pout and stomp *

“Nope.  Daddy isn't cooking breakfast today.  If you want to eat you need to come sit at the table with your sister.”

     Cut to 5 minutes later and Sass is sitting at the table quietly tearing into a fried egg and banana.   Okay, so I sorta won this round but I can see some losses looming on the horizon.  At least I still have Sprinkles' support, right?  She sat there the entire time, happily shoving eggs into her mouth while smiling broadly and occasionally waving at me.  That’s right… the baby likes me… for now….

The Art of Post-Mastication

Alicia Silverstone ain't got nuthin’ on me.    And this is why….

     

     My family (or more specifically my Grandparents) own a cabin and some land about an hour from our house.  During the Fall and Winter, scores of my family descend upon its wooden walls and proceed to eat, drink, and kill deer (while meticulously recording any and all data concerning wind speed, number of deer seen that day, what direction the squirrels were farting, etc…  We are conservationists, not just killers.).  This past Saturday was the beginning of Muzzleloader season so swarm we did!  Now, this is no regular “Smells like men and gunpowder” hunting cabin, mind you.  What started out small so many, many years ago has slowly creaked and GROWN into a backwoods resort of sorts that has been painstakingly furnished and decorated by my Grandma in the most fantastic of Woodsy-Couture styles.  It has two full bathrooms, tons of bedrooms, a full kitchen, huge dining area… and cable!  Can’t miss the football games just because we are holed up in BFE!  Anyway, I love this place and I digress.  On to why I just accidentally made Alicia Silverstone look normal…..

     Meals are always prepared in groups.  This way, no one has to stray too far from the liquor stationed religiously on the end of the kitchen island.  As dinner was being prepared on Saturday night, a storm blew through strong enough to knock out the power.  No oven?  No problem! The world’s largest charcoal grill lives on the back porch!  Oil lamps were lit, cinnamon whiskey was liberally applied, and the dinner prep continued.  The most faboo of hash brown casseroles was mixed up and spiced with cayenne pepper… in the dark.  Needless to say, it was a bit on the spicy side and just how we liked it!

     The power eventually came back on, dishes were cooked, and we all sat down and tucked in.  It was delicious!  Sprinkles had no trouble with the burn in the casserole as it was mostly potatoes and cheese and she will not be denied her starches!  Sass didn't eat  his casserole because he is thoroughly entrenched in his “ I'm not going to eat that because it is not one of my 4 approved flavors and didn’t you get the memo?” phase so, after both pans of the gooey deliciousness were empty, I finished his.  *burp*

     On the way home that night, with both kids comatose passed out in the back, I mentioned to Hubbs that “It’s too bad Sass didn't like the hash brown casserole.  I thought it would be right up his alley.  Maybe he didn't like the spice?”  And then I remembered… he had tried it.  He had even chewed a bite for a moment… right before he spit it out onto his plate and loudly declared “I don't want this Momma!”  Wait… did I eat ALL of his casserole?  Even the… huh…. Yeah, I did.

*sigh*

Wow... and I thought chewing food for your kid was over the top....

What’s worse?  The fact that I ate post-masticated little boy leavings or the fact that it didn't bother me that I did?  

I do love fresh SEE-food...

WTF Friday?

What's up with you today, Friday?  Normally you show up, all "Yay!  Let's be friends!  Tomorrow is Saturday!" and we hug and snuggle.  Did something happen?  Did Hubbs and I say something wrong?  Because you started out, well... kinda rough.  I mean, there was the teething baby at oh-dark-hundred, and the pre-alarm wake-up ambush from Sass...  Then there was Sprinkles's footie pajama no-no that required a bath and a complete costume change for the two involved parties.  (It was all the way down BOTH FOOTIES!!!)  And don't forget Sass's Show-n-Tell meltdown... ("No, you CANNOT bring an ENTIRE tub of Legos to school.  You can bring ONE thing.  No, no.  A lunchbox full of Hot Wheels is not ONE thing..."  Things just shrieked downhill from here.)  Well, at least it's pizza-n-movie night, allhallowedbeitsname...

This is EXACTLY what it will look like... except that we pick up Little Caesars and no pizza guy actually comes to our house... my kids just like to lick the storm door....

I guess it's time for a Friday funny... (But, Friday.... you need to work a little harder on being nice to your friends.  Otherwise we aren't going to want to play with you anymore.)  This one satisfies my Nerd-Need and my Funny-Need....

F*cking Weeping Angels....

Don't forget to Follow Me or "Like" me on the Book!  It would help me feel better...

How are ya'lls Friday treating you?  Everybody playing nice?

Costume foolery!!! Send me your pictures!!!

     Last night was a sugar coated success.  It registered somewhere between a 9.5 and a 10 on the Richter Scale of fantastic fabulocity.  Sass and his BFF cleaned up the candy like a pair of lions at a visually impaired Impala conference.  After costumes had been peeled off and loot dumped into piles on the carpet to be simultaneously marveled over and devoured, he twitched on the couch for an hour, demanding “Halloween TV” and then lapsed into a deep sleep that was part diabetic coma and part exhausted swoon.  It was adorable.  Sprinks spent the evening sashaying around the house in her tutu while being admired by Grandma and screaming in terror at all the masked creatures that came to our door.  So glad she stayed with Grandma.  Masks are really not her thing.  Pretty purple tutus, on the other hand, ARE…

     I also consider it a complete success because nobody earned stitches running up and down some VERY steep driveways in the dark and nobody puked.  Gold stars to everyone for no urps!  We also got to hang out with some pretty awesome parents and have ADULT TALKING THINGS!  You know, conversations?  Whoa….

     The Trick or Treaters were faboo, too.  We actually had a boy come to the door wearing an iridescent turban and red long johns who sang the entire “Trick or Treat!  Smell my feet!” song.  Both verses.  He got free rein on the treat bowl for that one.  We also had the 18 year old girl, dressed as an “Indian Club Princess” and hiding a lit cigarette behind her back who showed up around 9:30.  She said “Trick or Treat” and smiled sweetly while her buddies giggled from the car.  She got 2 handfuls for balls alone.  Way to take that dare and get some chocolate, sweetheart.

     And now it’s time to batten down for Thanksgiving while pretending that I won’t actually eat ALL of the untouched Sam’s-sized bag of candy left over from last night.  I over estimated… badly (or goodly depending on how you look at it).  Looks like I'll be breaking out the stretch pants a little early this year…..

     Now… I want to see your Halloween costumes!  Send me pictures of your wigglers (and fam or you!) all dressed up and I'll post them on my “Cuteness” page and link it back to you (don’t forget to include the page you want me to link to!).  Email me HERE or post them in my comments.  I can't wait to see them!