Thursday, November 15, 2012

War of the Organs

     Oh.... my heart hurts a little.  My baby girl is all grown up and totally unconcerned if Mommy leaves her at daycare.  Not even one little shriek this morning as I put her down and peeled her out of her coat.  She toddled right on over to the play stove all her little friends were hovering around, banging food on pretend burners like space apes on a monolith, and didn't even look back.  No fear, Sprinkles, no fear.
     Hubbs would just look at me funny and say "But isn't this what you wanted?" and I would say "Well, yes.... but no!"  She spent the first year of her life desperately clinging to me (A.  Whole.  Freakin'.  Year.), needing me to make the world an okay place, and now... she can do it all by herself.  All I get to do is watch. *sniff*
     Now, I am sure she will still need me for scrapes and bumps, and maybe a little snuggle on the couch at night, but it is the end of an era.  I see it now as I saw it with Sass.  The Era of Independence is upon us.  The Era of Baby has fallen behind.  All hail the time of "I Do It!". (or whatever phrase she comes up with to tell me to "back the f*ck up, yo".)
     How can I feel proud and so sad at the same time?  I suppose it is the war of the brain vs. the heart. (It is a bloody battle...  heh, see what I did there?)  My brain tells me that this is good.  She is maturing and reaching her developmental milestones (check that off yer chart, pediatrician man!) and making friends *gasp*...  My heart just needs a tissue.  * insert ugly cry here*


Oh mah baby.... 
Where ever are you growing?

4 comments:

  1. That's it....I'm duct taping the little to me until she's thirty!! Sorry little one mama can't take not being needed...right now anyways....duct tape is removable after all.

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  2. Awe! Yes, totally bittersweet thing. As yes that is what you want her to do but it feels so good to be wanted and needed.

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