Thursday, November 8, 2012

Frog in my throat....

     My house is in a constant state of drip.  Noses, eyes, mouths... the bathtub upstairs that apparently sprung a leak somewhere vital last week and sent water dripping down the light fixture over the dining room table.  (Super safe, that one, but back to the human drips.)  None of it is cold medicine worthy, or stay home from school worthy... you just hafta deal.  We need to go buy stock in Kleenex and I totally gave up on telling Sass to stop picking his nose about a week ago.  ("Fine.  Get a tissue.  No you don't!  Do NOT wipe it on you sister..... OR THE COUCH!")  Sprinkles just lets it run out of her nose and down her face and then screams like a burned banshee when you try to clean her up.  I think she finds the ooze comforting  (like a slimy green blankie) and to remove it will cause deep emotional scars... for you.

     Anyway, when I woke up this morning, this creeping crud had managed to sink its nasty, goo-encrusted claws into my throat, rendering me effectively mute.  So annoying.

I get to sound like this...

Looks cute but leaves nasty marks on your windows at night....  
Mostly pee dribbles and tummy slime.

But feel like this....
Ri-BIIIIIT, Bitches!

     This morning, Sprinkles gave me the shark-eye until she got a good look at me (apparently she had never had her wake up song sound quite so... guttural)  and I gave Sass a nasty start at the breakfast table.  While waiting for his breakfast he decided it would be a good idea to stand up in his chair, leeeeeean over the back of it, and try to reach the light switch behind him.  He was narrating the entire time, of course.

"I'm gonna turn the light on.  Where does this one go?  What light works it?"

     I turned from breakfast prep and saw him trying to give himself stitches before 7 a.m. (C'mon, little dude!) and what I wanted to say was, 
"What are you doing?  You are going to hurt yourself!  Sit on your bottom!" 
but what actually came out was, 
"Croak, croak, CROOOOOOAK!!!!" 

     He whipped around, eyes wide, looking a little frightened.  He then very slowly turned around, never taking his eyes off of me, and sat back down.... completely silent.  Very effective.

Didn't know Mommy could channel Irritated Toad, did ya?

9 comments:

  1. My son was three and sick-I said he had a frog in his throat. He spent the next few minutes looking in the mirror with his mouth open trying to see the frog. Kids are cool!

    It could be worse. They could eat the snot/boogers. DId you know that is a food group for little kids? Must be filling, my kid seems to eat little else.

    That croakiness could totally work in your favor today, at least it sounds like it so far. Like a badass Sith Lord or something. Cool...

    I was just commenting on another blog that I seem to be the first commenter on everything. Does this mean I need to get a life? Or maybe just a job?

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    1. Oh... he eats em... He likes to try and hid it though. Sass thinks that if he sits UNDER the dinner table and does it that we can't see him...

      Heh... food group... true dat, yo.

      Sith Lord is cool.... can I use Balrog, though? Then I could have WINGS!

      Nah... just means you are a fast reader than the rest of us... and the first to stroke my ego by leaving such wonderful comments!

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  2. Lol! You found the secret to parenting! Too funny Hope you get better soon

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  3. Can i fake a frog in the throat just to scare the hell out of my kid?....know what I'm doing today lol

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  4. lollllllllll! Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things hop. Wishing you a happy weekend. xo

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  5. Feel better soon! I've been dealing with a nasty cold (including a completely lost voice) for almost 2 weeks now. It's no fun.

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    1. Ewwww... I hate "the Crud". I hope you feel better soon too!

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