Frog in my throat....

     My house is in a constant state of drip.  Noses, eyes, mouths... the bathtub upstairs that apparently sprung a leak somewhere vital last week and sent water dripping down the light fixture over the dining room table.  (Super safe, that one, but back to the human drips.)  None of it is cold medicine worthy, or stay home from school worthy... you just hafta deal.  We need to go buy stock in Kleenex and I totally gave up on telling Sass to stop picking his nose about a week ago.  ("Fine.  Get a tissue.  No you don't!  Do NOT wipe it on you sister..... OR THE COUCH!")  Sprinkles just lets it run out of her nose and down her face and then screams like a burned banshee when you try to clean her up.  I think she finds the ooze comforting  (like a slimy green blankie) and to remove it will cause deep emotional scars... for you.

     Anyway, when I woke up this morning, this creeping crud had managed to sink its nasty, goo-encrusted claws into my throat, rendering me effectively mute.  So annoying.

I get to sound like this...

Looks cute but leaves nasty marks on your windows at night....  

Mostly pee dribbles and tummy slime.

But feel like this....

Ri-BIIIIIT, Bitches!

     This morning, Sprinkles gave me the shark-eye until she got a good look at me (apparently she had never had her wake up song sound quite so... guttural)  and I gave Sass a nasty start at the breakfast table.  While waiting for his breakfast he decided it would be a good idea to stand up in his chair, leeeeeean over the back of it, and try to reach the light switch behind him.  He was narrating the entire time, of course.

"I'm gonna turn the light on.  Where does this one go?  What light works it?"

     I turned from breakfast prep and saw him trying to give himself stitches before 7 a.m. (C'mon, little dude!) and what I wanted to say was, 

"What are you doing?  You are going to hurt yourself!  Sit on your bottom!" 

but what actually came out was, 

"Croak, croak, CROOOOOOAK!!!!" 

     He whipped around, eyes wide, looking a little frightened.  He then very slowly turned around, never taking his eyes off of me, and sat back down.... completely silent.  Very effective.

Didn't know Mommy could channel Irritated Toad, did ya?