Wait. Ew. Bug bites usually aren't sexy. Have you ever seen chigger bites? Not pretty. And they are especially not pretty when the bite you in your *AHEM* love bits. (Note: Never sit on a fallen log in the woods in the summer.) And who gets all hot and bothered over a mosquito bite? Well, not THAT kind of hot and bothered, anyway. They sell creams for that.
As I contemplated this "Love Bug" concept during a few quite moments on my car ride to work this morning, I eventually (and quite predictably) ended up going a very different direction. "Ug. Bug bites aren't sexy. Geeze, I have had tons and none of them ever "revved my engines". You know, I have been bitten by a bunch of stuff and I can safely say that these bites did nothing for me in the britches department." This train of thought lead me to a mental list that I thought I would share with you. Because.
SHIT THAT HAS BITTEN ME
(or at least gummed me harshly)
(that I can remember)
Dog – Never seriously.
Cat - That’s how they show love, right?
Wild Rabbit – More scratched all to hell, really. I kept trying to pick him up… J
Horse – Fingers, apples… what’s the difference?
Field Mouse – Guess what! They don’t like to be trapped in a ball-cap and heavily petted! Who knew?
Water Snake – Through a bug net. Hey... don't judge... I used a net!
Fence Lizard – Cute but vicious…
Anole – And they sell these blood thirsty heathens at Pet Smart and advertise them as “Great pets for children!”
Toddler – no surprise there...
Husband – Definitely NOT self defense. J
Sister – Because they are evil.
Random small children – I used to work at a pre-school. 'Nough said. I have also had 8 kinds of ringworm.
Various spiders - *shudder*
Wood Beetle – On the boob in my bed! The audacity of it!
Baby Snake of Indiscriminate Parentage – I just wanted to snuggle.
Horned Toad – They don’t ALWAYS fall “asleep” when you turn them on their backs.
Baby Ducks – Don’t let all that sweet, yellow fluff fool you… little effers have teeth!
Calf – Fingers and bottle nipples are very similar in consistency.
Box Turtle – I am the only person EVER who has been bitten by a box turtle. They just don’t bite. The pediatrician didn't believe my poor mother when she tried to explain why her daughter had a nasty looking bruise on her stomach at my 3 yr old check up. I expect a file was started…
Gerbil – Spawn of Satan
Killdeer – But the babies are so CUUUUTE!
Blue Bird – In MY defense, I thought she was unconscious.
Skink – Didn't see that one coming….
Crayfish – Pinched, really…
Catfish – Only noodled once. Never. Again.
Chipmunk – Strangely enough, they don’t like being caught in ball-caps either…
I just need to stop grabbing sh*t, huh?
So yeah, lots of bites but no surging passions or ripped bodices. That Love Bug is a dirty liar.
These are actual "Love Bugs".
Yeah... NOT SEXY!
Yeah... NOT SEXY!
*I was not raised in a cave or by wolves. I was raised to be curious… and to be good buddies with the Neosporin.*