Tuesday, February 26, 2013

"Indecent Proposals" or "The Homebody Explanation"

In the living room one Saturday:
*Hubbs and I walk in and find dear Sprinks red-faced and elbow deep in her diaper*
Hubbs: "Well... as long as she isn't mining for Mud Nuggets..."  *looks thoughtful*  "Can you pan for those?"

At dinner last night:
Sass: *to "Row, row, row your boat"*
"Bats, bats, bats, bats
Spooky Halloween!
Bats dey fly.  Spooky, Spooky!
Bats, bats, bats... AIRPLANE!"
*Hubbs and I collapse in uncontrollable fits vowing to end every sentence with "AIRPLANE!"*
Sass:  *looks irritated* "Don laugh!  Airplane bats!  I said AIRPLANE BATS!"

Explaining his extended absence:
Hubbs: "It was a P.L.O.P.  You know, a Post-Lunch Office Poop."

Family trip to Target:
Sass:  *looks up at the sign advertising a new line of undies in the lingerie department*
"Hey!  Dere's boobth on der!" *Hops off the cart and bee-lines for a neon yellow demi cup with sparkles*
"Dis is for boobth, Dad!"  *big smile*
Me:  "Oh he is SO your son...."

During a Sprinkles fit over being told she could NOT do something at the table:
*Sprinkles begins grabbing handfuls of her cereal and throwing it to the floor in a fit of pure toddler rage*
Hubbs:   *calmly turns and looks at me* "I have seen you metaphorically throw your cheerios..."

A couple of nights ago:
Sass:  "Mom!  Mom!"  *runs toward me with a disturbed look on his face and something clutched tightly between his index  finger and thumb*  
"Look Mom!" *shoves a crusty, bloody booger into my hand*
"I've got raisins in my nose!"  *he bolts*
Me: *speechless and nauseous at the same time while Hubbs laughs so hard he's silent (that's REALLY hard)*


  1. When the boy was 2, he used to honk the bras at Target. At least he didn't SAY "honk."

  2. On that booger thing - when Sass gets a bit older if he comes up and throws his hand at your face while he is opening it - don't breath in. My own taught me that farts could be caught and thrown. Trust me on this.

  3. I see your family is as obsessed with poop and boogers as ours is!! :D

    1. Oh sweethairyjeezus yes. In fact, a couple of nights back, Sass fart-bombed me during his goodnight kiss... on purpose. Ya'll... he is 3.

  4. I honestly can't even pick a favorite one of these! We need to blend households now! The laughs, boogers, and boobth references will be infinite! Also, AIRPLANE!